Rebith Rings and Phoenix Flames
by Sage Kaley
Summary: Eiko revives Kuja, with the help of Freya and Vivi. She has a plan and only Kuja can help her. What's she up to? Read and Review please! I've decided what romance pairings...KujaFreya and most likely ViviEiko. Is that ok?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1 Fire of Flame!!!**

Author's Note: Here's the first chapter! I hope you like it. The chapter names shouldn't make sense and I am not using the ending of FF9. Ok? Good, let's roll. This is about an adventure that Eiko, Vivi, Kuja and Freya go on. 

"Rebirth Flame!" Eiko shouted as she raised her flute to her lips. Vivi frowned and stared at the dead body of Kuja. They had come back. Only Eiko, Vivi and Freya to be exact. Freya only came cause Eiko begged her. Phoenix appeared in a burst of fire and sent flames shooting down upon the group. Lucky, they had fire absorbent armor on. A blue magic floated around his body, healing his many wounds from the previous battle. 

"Ugh…" Kuja groaned and sat up. He was out of trance mode and was back to himself. Vivi gripped his mace nervously. Freya got her spear in position to run him through at any moment. Phoenix disappeared and Eiko grinned. She shoved her flute into her pocket and squatted next to the weak man. 

"You…" he began, hatred in his voice. Eiko just patted his head. 

"There there, it's ok. I brought you back to life." She said in a sickly sweet voice. Vivi took a few steps forward. 

"You better not try anything funny Kuja. I'll…I'll cast a spell on you!" Freya nodded and stood next to Eiko. 

"Hmm…the machine can speak?"  Kuja mused. Freya pressed her spear to his throat. 

"I'd be wise to keep your mouth shut." She hissed. Kuja smiled, making her want run it though him. Eiko glared at her. 

"Wait! We need him!" Vivi sighed. 

"Your plan won't work Eiko…" he muttered. Eiko smiled. 

"Oh, with Kuja's help, it will…"

Author's Note: Alright short but chapter two will be up soon…


	2. Chapter 2

****

Chapter 2! Plans of Furry!

"Hee hee, oh Zidane, I can't wait to marry you." Garnet giggled. She sat down next to Zidane in the royal box and smiled at him. While she was forced to wear a dress for the play they were watching, Zidane was dressed in his normal fashion. 

"Yeah, it's gonna be great." He said, propping his feet up on the wall. He leaned back in his chair. 

"I was just thinking…what happened to Eiko, Vivi and Freya after we beat Kuja?" Garnet wondered suddenly. Zidane scratched his head and sighed. 

"I heard Eiko and Vivi went back to that Madian Sari. Freya went to Burmecia I think with that fratly guy." Garnet shook her head. Maybe Zidane was getting stupider…or maybe he just didn't feel like remembering any things name right then. 

"Eiko…seemed upset that you said no when she asked if you wanted to marry her…" Garnet began but Zidane suddenly jumped out of his seat. 

"Shh! It's starting!" Garnet just shook her head again.

************************************************************************

Kuja fell on the ground laughing. 

"You…you asked him to m…marry you?!" He cried between laughs. Soon, he was laughing so hard, tears were flowing from his eyes. Eiko glared at him and puffed out her chest. 

"He didn't say no!" she shouted shrilly. "He just said we should stay friends!" Kuja wiped the tears from his eyes and stopped laughing, though he had a smirk on his face. 

"Right, in guy talk, that is a huge no." Eiko turned to Vivi and grabbed his hand, causing the young mage to blush. 

"Vivi said Zidane still likes me!" she kicked Kuja in the shin. Kuja burst out laughing again. Freya herself found it hard to suppress her smile. 

"He just said that because he doesn't want to hear you yell anymore!" Freya sighed and poked Eiko. 

"On with your plan please?" she asked. Eiko nodded and turned to the group. 

"Alright! Now, as you know, Zidane and Garnet are getting married!" she glared at Kuja, who quickly hid his smile. "Now, I want to marry Zidane! I know a way to do it too! I found this book…" she reached into a pack at her side and pulled out a dusty, moldy book. Kuja's mouth contorted with disgust but Eiko didn't seem to notice. "Freya, please read this passage?"

Freya cleared her throat and took the book.

"When the moons are one, a lover will be shunned?" Freya frowned. Eiko grinned. 

"It goes on to explain that if the smaller moon was destroyed, then whoever destroyed it would be granted a romance wish! Now, I don't have that kinda power…" she turned to Kuja and smiled. "But he does! So he'll destroy the moon and wish that Zidane would love me!" Kuja gave a short laughed and placed a hand on his hip. 

"And I'd do this for you why?" he asked, his lips curling into a cocky grin. Eiko smiled. 

"Because, you could also wish that Garnet loved you! I know you have the hots for her!" Kuja blinked. A scenario ran through his mind. 

__

If I marry Garnet, I will rule Alexandria then I'll use their army and my magic to take over the world! 

"Well…I…uhh…do like her, so I'll help!" He said. He and Eiko shook hands. 

"Deal?" she asked. He nodded.

"Deal."

__

Then, after I take over the world, I'll kill these annoying pests…

"I don't think you can trust this…man Eiko." Freya stated. Eiko shrugged. 

"If he does anything funny, Vivi will cast flare on him. Right Vivi?"

"Of course, I'd do anything for y…for the team." Vivi tightened his hat on his head to hide his blushing. Eiko nodded. 

"But first, we have to use some kinda item on the moons so that the small one will not fall on Gaia. In this book ,it mentions an item that you can use to make things smaller. It's called Frog Kiss. Any ideas where we could get this?" Kuja's tail whipped from side to side as he thought. Vivi tapped his staff on the ground. Freya smiled. 

"Frog Kiss huh? Frogs…I know just the it to talk to."

Author's Note: What did you expect? Eiko to want world peace? Next chapter! The search for the frog kiss!


	3. Chapter 3

****

Chapter 3! Frog Prince…err…Princess?!

"Me no want kiss!!" Quina screamed again. Kuja forced himself to chew on his lower lip. With that silly mage poking his staff at Kuja, he wasn't allowed to kill the odd, fat creature. Freya shut her eyes. Even her endless patience was running thin. 

"No…I don't want to kiss you. I want the Frog Kiss—"

"Frogs over there. Catch frog! You want kiss that bad?" Eiko sighed and jumped out from behind Kuja, where she had been playing with his tail. 

"No Quina! We don't want to kiss a frog or you or a duck! I still don't know where you got duck from this…but we want an ITEM! I, T, U, M!" Kuja grinned and tapped her on the shoulder. 

"That isn't how you spell item. It's I, t, e, m." Eiko kicked his shin again and turned back to Quina. 

"It's a item, like a potion or a ether ok? Where can we find the Frog Kiss item?" She said slowly, as if talking to a three-year-old. Quina stopped trying to catch frogs for a moment and looked as if it was really trying to use it's brain. 

"Frog…Kiss…Item?" It tried. Eiko nodded and smiled. "Gold frogs have odd thing inside them. Taste like potion!" Eiko blinked. Kuja's upper lip went up with disgust. 

"No!" he shouted, stomping his foot. "Revive me, annoy me, drag me into this disgusting swamp and make me talk to this foul creature but we aren't going to watch this…thing eat a gold frog then throw it up!" Vivi glared at him but Kuja wasn't done yet. "Not to mention how this stupid little girl got us lost on the way here!" Vivi had had enough. He raised his mace and moved it around, thinking of his fira spell. Soon, the flames flickered to life and slammed into Kuja, who promptly yelled out something and jumped into the deep, murky swamp. He stayed under for only a moment. 

"Quina think you funny!" It laughed as Kuja surfaced. His silver white hair was covered with some unknown slime, his feathers bent oddly. A reed was sticking out of his mouth and even more mud and slime caked his body. A single frog rested on the top of his head. Freya tired desperately not to laugh but the laughter of the others forced her to giggle as well. Eiko drew out her flute and cast float on him. He floated over, sopping wet with the swamp water. Freya and Vivi helped him pick the muck off. Kuja glared at Vivi and spit the bamboo like reed at him, hitting him in the face. 

"Ow!" he muttered. Kuja continued to glare at him. 

"I really hate you." He stated. He wiped a large piece of the muck of his tail and tired to get some of it out of his hair. That was futile. Quina smiled and pointed behind him. 

"For funny girl, I tell you something!" Kuja shut his eyes. He was going to enjoy killing these people someday. "Man take all gold frogs! Give me free lunch pass to food place!" Freya nodded and stepped forward, since Eiko was casting cure on Vivi. 

"Where did he take them?" She asked. Quina jumped up and down. 

"He take them to auction. He say, gold frogs get lots of Gil." Freya nodded and turned to Kuja with a grin on her face. 

"Well, I guess we should thank you Kuja. You got some info out of it." Kuja narrowed his eyes and turned on a dime, walking out of the swamp. He made sure to smack Freya with his tail as he left. Eiko gave a short laughed and pointed to his head. The frog was still on it. Kuja hadn't even gotten to leave the swamp area, before Quina jumped him. 

"My frog! You no take from me!" It shouted, grabbing his head roughly and pulling the frog off it. Kuja shut his eyes once more. 

__

Calm down Kuja, think pleasant thoughts. Killing people, torturing people, these people. Kill the fat one first, then the mage, then that little girl. Maybe not the dragoon, since she wanted to end this for me. 

"Can we leave now?" He asked in an eerily calm voice. Freya turned to Eiko, who nodded. 

"Yep! Let's grab a chocobo and head for Treno!" 

************************************************************************

"Hmm…I forgot how long this trip was." Eiko said as she yawned. After another outburst from Kuja had scared away the chocbos. So this trip was being made by foot. They had just passed South Gate. Night had fallen. Kuja was dead on his feet, as was Freya. Vivi was using his staff to hold him up. Eiko sighed. 

"Even though we aren't far from Treno, you guys want to pitch a tent?" Vivi asked. Kuja nodded quickly and laid down on the ground. They were in the open plains, so it was a great place to sleep. Vivi got out a tent and he and Freya got to work on it. Eiko stared at Kuja and hopped over. 

"Are you ok?" she asked him. He still had muck on him, only now it was hard and crusty. 

"Leave me alone." He muttered. She sighed and squatted down near his face. 

"Are you always this moody?" She asked. Kuja sighed and sat up, his tail flicking some of the crust at her. 

"Only when such an annoying little girl is bugging me." He grumbled. "And a mage sets me on fire and when a mog yells at me." Vivi walked over with Freya. 

"You did kick her." Freya reminded him. He shrugged. 

"Self defense. I thought it was going to kill me." Freya rolled her eyes and pointed to the tent. 

"Vivi and Eiko will sleep in there." No one argued and the children ran off into the tent. Freya sat down next to Kuja and watched this tail flick back and forth. His back was to her. 

"There's a stream nearby, if you want to wash up." She suggested. Kuja blinked and stared at the ground. 

"What, you want to spy on me, see if I am a girl or something?" he asked. She sighed and shook her head. 

"Nah, your voice is too deep for you to be a girl. You'd be a pretty flat chested one too. And—"

"Alright all ready. I get it." He muttered. Freya smiled. 

"Actually, I figured you wanted to clean some of that crust off and maybe get the swamp smell off you." Kuja's tail stopped its movement and he turned around to stare at her. 

"So…you want me to go take a bath?" He said slowly. She nodded. 

"Baths help you sleep better too. You seem tired but I think a bath will help." Kuja sighed and stood up. 

"Fine, where is the stream?" Freya stood up and pointed towards South Gate. 

"Just go that way. It's only about a five minute walk." Kuja nodded. He began to walk but stopped several yards from the campsite. He turned to stare at Freya. She was sitting cross-legged, watching the stars in the sky. He sighed and turned full around. The gentlemen in him wouldn't let him go without saying on thing. 

"Freya!" he called back. She turned. "Thank you." She nodded. Kuja shook his head. 

__

Great, next I'll be saying please and may I…

Author's Note: Alright, people may say that I'm going for a Kuja/Freya thing. And I might later but in this chapter, she was acting more like his mother, I think. Alright, on to chapter 4!! Treno, here we come!


	4. Chapter 4

****

Chapter 4! Money for Nothing and Frogs for free!

"Do you want me to hurt you?!" Kuja yelled at a guard at the Treno gate. The Guard shrugged. "Ok, so you have some odd death wish? You want me to grant it?" Eiko grabbed Kuja's arm and yanked on it. He glanced at her. "What?!" 

"Listen, you and I can wait out here while Freya and Vivi get the frog. I had Garnet wire me some Gil, so they'll be fine." Kuja shook her off his arm and the guard sighed. 

"You may find this hard to believe but we tend not to let crazy planet killers in our town." The guard grinned and there was nothing Kuja could do about it. 

"If they are with me, you'll let them pass…" Kuja looked behind the guard and Eiko grinned. 

"Amarant!" She shouted. She ran past the guard and to the huge, red haired man. Kuja also walked past the now terrified guard, flicking his tail in the poor man's face. Vivi and Freya were standing by the fountain. Amarant nodded. 

"What brings you around?" He glanced at Kuja. "And didn't we kill him?" Kuja glared at the man but Eiko smiled. 

"He's one of us now! It's a long story but we need to go to the Auction House!" Kuja frowned and placed his hand on his hip. 

"Since when am I, the great and all powerful Kuja, one of you pests?" Vivi rolled his lightning yellow eyes and sighed. 

"Kuja, someone needs to pop that balloon you call an ego." Kuja's fist balled up and he towered over the mage. 

"What?!" He shouted. Freya got between the two. 

"Kuja and I will go to the Auction House, ok? Eiko, you and Vivi wait here…" With that, she grabbed Kuja's hand and dragged him up the stone staircase. 

************************************************************************

"Sold out?!" Kuja exclaimed. He grabbed the Auction House dealer by the throat and slammed him against the wall. Freya sighed and tapped Kuja on the shoulder. 

"He can't breathe right now. How much info do you expect out of him?" Kuja's lips curled menacingly but he dropped the man. The man rubbed his neck. 

"A…a man came and brought all the gold frogs we had! He was real stupid looking, had this crappy armor on that was all rusty and clunky…" Freya smiled and nodded. 

"Was his name Steiner?" She asked. The man nodded and Freya sighed heavily. Kuja shut his eyes. 

"Is this that idiot loud mouth knight we're dealing with?" Kuja asked Freya. She nodded and he placed a hand on his head, shaking it sadly. 

"Where did he go?" she asked. The man stood up and straightened his bow tie. 

"He said quote, "The Queen will love these! They shall find it amusing, since her husband was a frog recently!"" Freya sighed and shook her head. 

"Then he went to Cid. That's where he is. The frogs are in Lindblum." Kuja groaned and shook his head. 

"This is becoming quite the wild goose chase. Well, let's get going then…" Freya nodded and the two rushed from the Auction House. The dealer's eyes widen and he held up a potion bottle with a green liquid inside, a mini frog swimming in it. 

"Wait!!" he called. "Can I interest you in this rare Frog Kiss item?!" He waited a moment and sighed. "Guess not…"

************************************************************************

"So we have to go to Lindblum Eiko. Steiner has the frogs and he's going to give them to Cid." Eiko nodded and she and Vivi ran out of town, with a hurried bye to their tall friend. Freya smiled at Amarant. 

"I'll see you after our quest in done." He nodded and she and Kuja walked from the town. When they were outside the city, Eiko saw a Mog with several Chocobos. She glared at Kuja and stomped her foot. 

"We are taking Chocobos and Kuja, no yelling this time!" she shouted. Kuja smirked. 

"Whatever you say, Princess Screamalot." 

Author's Note: Ha ha! Poor guys! Oh well, now to see Cid! 


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5! A reason to be a frog!**

"Why?" She shouted. Eiko slammed her foot against the wall. She felt like screaming. The guards wouldn't let them into to Lindblum either. All because of Kuja's reputation. 

"Don't even say it's my fault Eiko." He stated. Eiko glared at him. Though she had to admit, at least he was calling her Eiko instead of little girl. She wanted him to leave but she knew she needed him. 

"But…it's your reputation you know!" She yelled again. Kuja just smiled. During the trip, he had grown used to Eiko's loud mouth and Freya's mother like tone. He still wasn't used to getting zapped by a fire spell every time he said something rude. 

"Yeah, the King ordered us to keep you out of the city at all costs. Though he did this for no reason, said his wife." The guard responded. Freya sighed and reached for her spear. 

"As sad as this quest is, we must defend the honor of this noble summoner." That did it. Vivi smiled as the guard's eyes widened. 

"A…a summoner?!" He stammered. Kuja nodded and pushed Eiko forward. 

"Miss Eiko has much business to discuss with King Cid, so if you'd let us through…" The guards parted and let the odd group into the city. Kuja frowned, his tail twitching. Freya noted this and ran to catch up with him. The guards were escorting Eiko, Vivi making sure nothing bad happened to her. 

"Hey, what's wrong?" She asked as she got to him. Kuja stopped and looked up at the towering buildings. 

"When I was last in this city, I was destroying it. Now…it's odd, I suppose." His tail swayed back and forth. Freya watched it with strange interest. 

"Hmm…well, let's go site seeing, if that's all that's bugging you…" Kuja sighed and nodded.

It's not like I'm going to tell you what's really wrong, how those guards knew I was still alive…how everyone knew I was alive…

"Alright, then let's go and see the sites."

Eiko smiled as she walked into the castle. It had been ages since she had been here, it felt like. That stupid knight ruined everything. She could be Miss Tribal within the day. She smiled and shut her eyes. Life rocked. However, she should have watched where she was going. 

"Ouch!" She yelped as she ran head long into a wooden board. Her horn got suck in the thick wood. She tugged her head back but couldn't get it out. 

"Vivi!" she shouted. "Help me!" Vivi tired to help her but with her arms flaying all over the place, it became difficult to get a hold of her waist. After several attempts, she was finally able to tug out her horn, with the help of Vivi of course. However, a small ring of wood still clung to her horn. Vivi wisely decided against pointing it out. 

"Let's go!" she muttered, her face turning cherry red. The two, along with the guards, walked towards the castle. 

"And that's all…the Industrial District isn't finished yet though…it was destroyed by you remember?" Freya asked. Kuja's tail flicked in response. His eyes wandered the city. They were near a pickle stand. Kuja's eyes fell on the pickles. They looked good…but now wasn't the time to eat. 

"So, when will the dynamic duo be back?" Freya shrugged and placed a hand on her chin. 

"I dunno. I guess once they get the gold frog to take back to Quina so s/he can eat it and puke up the Frog Kiss then we can use it on the moon…" her voice faltered and she turned abruptly to face Kuja. He blinked. She was starring at him oddly. 

"What?" he muttered. _Is there something on my face?_

"Well, it's just that…how do we use it on the moon?" Kuja blinked. He didn't know.

"Well…maybe Eiko could summon Phoenix to drop it on the moon…I don't know!" Kuja turned and walked towards the stand. 

"Well, hello Kuja." Kuja stopped and his fur stood on end. Freya gasped and cursed. Kuja smiled and let his body relax in a cocky way. 

"Why, hello Zidane…"

Author's Note: Plot twist! Warning, warning. Danger Will Robinson danger! Hee hee, see ya next chapter…..


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 

Zidane's tail flicked as his eyes locked on Kuja's. Kuja stretched and smiled at Freya. 

"Shouldn't we be going now?" He asked. Freya frowned deeply and sighed. 

"Zidane…I don't know what you're thinking right now but Kuja has changed. He's a really great guy now!" Freya blurted. Both Zidane and Kuja stared at Freya, who blushed. She tapped her toe on the ground much like Eiko would. 

"Well…he is…" she said meekly. Zidane smiled and shrugged. 

"Hey, I forgave Kuja long go. I was just a bit surprised to see him…with you of all people Freya!" Both Kuja and Freya glared at him. 

"What's that supposed to mean?!" They said in unison. Zidane laughed nervously and scratched the back of his head. 

"I…I just meant that you and him…it's a weird couple you know? I just can't see a girl like you and a guy like Kuja…" Zidane stopped under their glares. "Well…umm…do you want to go see Garnet with me?" he asked quickly. Freya gasped and Kuja's jaw dropped. 

"Garnet is here?" Kuja said in surprise. Zidane nodded. "Where is she?"

"She's visiting Cid of course…" but Freya and Kuja had already gone into their own little world. 

"Eiko's going to the castle!" Freya cried. Kuja nodded and paced back and forth. 

"Then she'll spill the beans and we'll be screwed. This entire plan will be ruined!" Kuja said, shaking his head. _Then my world domination plan will be screwed too! And what did Zidane mean by Freya shouldn't…we aren't even…why am I thinking this?!_

"C'mon Kuja!" Freya said. "We have to hurry!" 

Eiko smiled and tilted her head back. This castle was huge! Easily the biggest thing, next to several summons, that she had ever since. Vivi, who had been walking behind her, smacked right into her. He fell on the ground. Eiko gasped and squatted down next to him. 

"Are you ok?" She asked quickly. Vivi blushed and pulled his hat over his face. 

"Yes…" he muttered. A shadow fell over them and a deep voice cried out. 

"Master Vivi!" Eiko turned around and smiled. 

"Hey Steiner!" she said cheerfully. Vivi pushed his hat up. 

"Hiya Steiner." He smiled and patted Eiko on the head. 

"Why are you here?" he asked her. She smiled and rubbed her hands together. 

"Well, we need to talk a little business…"

"Oh, those are lovely!" Garnet squealed. Cid smiled and held up a golden frog. "They are so unique…may I have some?" Cid nodded and handed her the entire box of frogs. 

"Well…it was going to be a secret but…happy birthday!" he grinned as he handed her the box. Garnet's eyes lit up as Zidane ran in. 

"Ga…Garnet…" He was out of breath. "I…I just saw…" Garnet waved her hand. 

"Not now Zidane! Look what uncle Cid gave me!" Zidane frowned. 

"But Garnet!" he cried. She shook her head. 

"Not now! Tell me when we get back to Alexandria!" With that, she kissed Cid goodbye and ran towards their airship. Zidane threw his hands up and sighed. _Life sucks…_

"This isn't fair…" Eiko sighed. She had just finished talking with Cid. Kuja was waiting outside the castle. They walked out of the castle to see him. 

"Cid…gave all the frogs to Garnet." Eiko said quietly. Kuja groaned and shook his head. Was world domination worth this much?!

"To Alexandria then?" He asked. Eiko nodded, back to her upbeat self. 

"Yup! Let's mosey!" 

Author's Note: This is like finding a needle in a haystack right? Thanks for reading and keep those reviews coming. See ya in Chapter 7!


	7. Chapter 7

****

Chapter 7! Back to Square Five!

"Legs…can no longer…feel…legs…" Vivi groaned as they trampled across the countryside. Alexandria wasn't very far away now. 

"What's up with you?" Kuja asked Vivi. He has cast float on himself and was easily floating next to Freya. Freya shook her head. 

"Leave him along Kuja, he's tired. Eiko, can he ride on your Chocobo?" Freya asked. Eiko was the only on of the group with a Chocobo. She stopped it and turned to her party. 

"No! This time, it's all your guys fault you don't have a Chocobo!" Kuja rolled his eyes and waved his hand. Instantly, both Vivi and Freya were lifted off the ground. Freya grinned and floated up to Kuja. 

"Well, it seems you just did something nice for me and Vivi!" She said sweetly. Kuja shook his head and shrugged. 

"Did not, I just wanted to hurry this up. That's all!" Vivi smiled and came up next to Kuja. 

"Umm…Kuja?" Kuja glanced down. 

"What is it Mag…Vivi." Kuja wondered why he had corrected himself. 

"Thanks for casting float on me. Sorry about that Thunder spell earlier." Freya laughed and noticed a pinkish tint on Kuja's cheeks. 

"Don't mention it…really, please don't…" Kuja muttered. Freya tapped Kuja on the shoulder. 

"I see your cheeks are turning pink!" She laughed. Eiko stopped the Chocobo again and turned around, her eyes wide. 

"Freya, you're looking at Kuja's butt!?" She shouted. Vivi snickered. Both Freya and Kuja turned an amazingly deep shade of red. 

"Not his butt cheeks Eiko!" Freya cried. "His face cheeks!" Kuja hid his face. 

"Eiko, that was uncalled for!" he yelled. Eiko shrugged and hurried her Chocobo forward. Vivi raced to catch up with her, leaving Kuja and Freya trailing behind. 

"Ugh…my God, how rude is she?" Kuja wondered. Freya sighed. Her face still felt hot. 

"That was really rude." She quickly walked forward. Kuja grinned. Even though Eiko was probably just saying that, he was going to test her. 

"Sooo, Freya, were you looking at my butt?" He asked, walking up beside her. She stopped and glared at him. 

"No, of course not!" she shouted. Kuja laced his hands together and placed them behind his head as he walked with Freya. 

"Oh? Are you sure? I mean, positive?" Freya sighed. 

"Yes." Kuja smiled. Now to trap her with that joke he heard while in Alexandria long ago. 

"Only fools are positive." He stated. Freya knew this joke, and Kuja was getting it wrong. 

"Are you sure?" she asked him. He nodded. 

"I'm positive!" Both he and Freya burst out laughing. Freya laughed so hard, she came near tears. 

"Kuja, did you do that to make me laugh?" she asked him, once their laughter had subsided. He shrugged and gave her a mysterious smile. 

"Maybe…" Freya grinned and continued to float with Kuja. She stole a glance at him. He seemed to be zoned out, staring off into space. She wondered what he was thinking about. She shut her eyes. Maybe he wasn't a bad guy after all. 

"You never answered my question, were you or were you not staring at my butt?" he asked, breaking the silence. Freya groaned and smacked herself on the forehead. Then again…

"Alright, we're here!" Eiko announced. Kuja cast dispel on the group and yawned. He was tired. And his face hurt from when Freya smacked him. She seemed too happy right then to be angry with Kuja, so decided to try one more time. 

"Freya?" he began but she held up her hand. 

"When pigs fly, that's when I'll look at your butt ok Kuja?" Kuja grinned. 

"Promise?" he asked her. She nodded and he pointed up as a small group of young boys ran past them, flying a kite. 

"Gee, isn't my new pig kite cool?" shouted one. Freya blinked and watched the pig kite soar. Kuja grinned and turned around, his tail hitting her hand. 

"So, which cheek do you like better?" Freya glared at him and shook her head. 

"That shouldn't count!" She stomped her foot on the ground and refused to look at Kuja. He turned back around and waved a finger in her face. 

"A promise is a promise." The argument was broke up by a man dressed in royal guard clothes. He unrolled a scroll in front of Eiko, Vivi, Kuja and Freya. 

"Ahem. By the orders of Queen Garnet and future King Zidane, One Miss Eiko the Summoner and party are hereby under arrest on the grounds of conspiracy against the crown of Alexandria." Guards appeared and surrounded the group. Eiko's eyes widened while Vivi stumbled and fall on his rear. Kuja's muscles tensed. Freya stepped forward. 

"Now wait just one minute!" she cried. But the guards didn't listen. They handcuffed everyone and led them through town. Eiko hung her head in shame, while Vivi and Freya shut their eyes. Kuja only wondered what was happening. Eiko glared at Kuja. 

"Nice work, now what did you do?!"

Author's Note: DUM DUM DUMMMM!!!! Why are the heroes under arrest? Was Freya looking at Kuja's butt? Should the pig kite count? These will be answered in chapter 8!!!!


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8! You have the right to remain stupid!**

"So, how is this my fault again?" Kuja tugged at his metal bonds. The group sat in a jail cell at the bottom of Alexandria castle. Eiko was fuming. She gave Kuja the harshest glare but he smiled sarcastically back. 

"You're alive! That's why it's all your fault!" Kuja hummed absent-mindedly as she continued to yell at him. It was Vivi that stopped her yelling. 

"Um…Eiko…didn't you uh…revive him?" Eiko stopped, her mouth hanging open stupidly. Kuja chuckled but Freya stiffened. 

"You do realize that we are set to die in three days right? You guys got that right? Heads to be lobbed off." Freya seemed slightly paranoid. Kuja shrugged. 

"The guy in the cell next to us is doing just fine." The others turned and looked through the barred window. A teenage boy with spiky red hair and blue ninja clothes sat quietly next to a man with blonde spiky hair and a military like outfit on. 

"So…then I killed Sephiroth but ended up getting tried for murder…lots of murder accounts. Didn't know monsters had a union. So why are you here?" The blonde asked. The red head shrugged. "Well, Tifa said she'd bail me out…I hope. This Zidane guy sounds like a piece of crap…"

"Uh, Kuja, those guys are insane or something." Freya pointed out. "They're murderers." Kuja shrugged and smiled. 

"I'm a murderer and so are you guys. What's the diff?" The group shrugged.  Kuja stood up and walked to the window. 

"Hey, Spike one and spike two!" The two looked up and walked to the window. "I'm Kuja, wanna bust out?" The blonde nodded but the red shook his head. 

"I'm Cloud, yeah I'll mossey with you!" Kuja smiled. 

"Ready for my plan guys?" Everyone nodded and moved closer. "Well…you gotta wait til next chapter!" Everyone blinked.

"What?" they asked in unison. Kuja sighed. 

"Never mind…"

Author's Note: Sorry, gtg to class! Guess who the red head is!!


	9. Chapter 9 (contest within)

****

Chapter 9! Cameos are Fun!!

"Right, so I blow out the back wall, then we jump." Kuja smiled smugly as he finished his 'genius' idea. Eiko tapped her horn. 

"That's stupid!" she stated. Vivi nodded. 

"I side with Eiko." Cloud leaned against the wall. 

"Only cause you want to go out with her. You know she makes you feel…funny." Freya snorted, causing Kuja to stare at her. 

"Now, that I think about it, about you and my butt…" Suddenly, a girl ran past their cell, with a girl with brown hair and green eyes, carrying a weird book with a loin on it.

"The pig kite counts!" shouted Yume. Kuja blinked. A girl with pink pigtails and a purple outfit ran after her. 

"Maya's sooo dead! So's Rue cause he's an [explicit]!" Cloud smiled. 

"Now that was cool." Freya sighed. Cloud rolled his eyes. "C'mon, you know you want to stare at his girly ass Freya." Eiko jabbed her finger at Kuja. 

"See? Told you he was a girl!" Kuja stomped his foot. 

"Am not! I'm a very manly man!" Eiko laughed. 

"Fine, what about your makeup?"

"It makes me look tough…"

"And your tank top thingy?" 

"It shows off my manly muscles…"

"And your skirt?"

"It's not a skirt! It's umm…the hottest trend in Aveh?" Suddenly, yet another cameo was made, this time by a man with an eye patch and blonde braided hair stopped as he walked by their cell. 

"Not anymore! Now it's white pants and whips, weirdo…" He just stood outside their cell. Vivi walked forward. 

"Why are you here?" he asked. The man shrugged. 

"Well, the weird lady with the bucket on her head's supposed to come get the spiky red head but she couldn't make it. I'm just filling in." He walked back, unlocked the man's cell and the two ran off. Freya sighed. 

"Now I've seen it all." She muttered. Kuja beamed. 

"Except my butt!" Suddenly, an idea came to her. 

"I'll stare at your butt Kuja…if you get us to the top of this tower were in." Kuja nodded and stuck out his hand. The back wall disappeared. Eiko summoned Phoenix, who carried them up the tower as a lady in a wedding dress fell. Eiko frowned. 

"Need help?" she called as they got onto Phoenix's back. The brown-blonde haired woman shook her head. 

"Nah, I'm just going to summon my bird!" Eiko shrugged and the group went to the top of the tower. However…

"Hold it right there!" shouted Biggs. Wedge nodded. 

"You can't break out!" Kuja smiled and stepped off of Phoenix. 

"Are you going to stop me?" Cloud jumped to his side. 

"I'll help ya!" Biggs smiled. 

"You're no match for who we've got to kill you…" Suddenly, a large robot flew next to them. 

"Doth thou desire the power?" The machine asked. Wedge nodded. 

"Yes, give it to this person…behind us!" Kuja turned around to Eiko. 

"Go to the throne room and get the Frog Kiss from Zidane and Garnet. Cloud and I will handle…whatever this guy is." Eiko whistled and Phoenix began to fly to the throne room. 

"No problems here!" she shouted. Kuja braced himself. For what was coming was so horrible, so scary, so absolutely terrifying…that you have to wait till next chapter to find out what it is!

Author's Note: If you can tell me all the cameos so far, from all chapters, you'll get something neat!


	10. Chapter 10 (more contest)

**Chapter 10! The Scariest Thing on Earth!**

"Holy!" Eiko cried. Vivi blinked. 

"Do you really think it's a good idea to call Holy?" A girl with bright green eyes and dark brown hair (in a braid) called out to them as they rose higher to the tower. 

"Hey! I have the Holy Materia, you Tifa wannabe!" Eiko frowned. 

"How the heck am I a Tifa wannabe??" Vivi shrugged. "And I wasn't calling Holy! Look what Kuja and Cloud have to fight!" Freya jumped to the side of Phoenix and w\looked down. Kuja had tranced and Cloud was moving very fast. 

"Oh my God…" she whispered. Biggs and Wedge moved aside to reveal the scariest thing on earth…

Meanwhile, across town…I mean, down below!

"Hpmh." Kuja sneered. "Whatever you got, we'll beat the crap out of it!" Cloud nodded and spun his sword in the air. 

"This will be so easy, I'm doing my victory pose already! So bring it!" Biggs laughed. 

"Oh it's already been broughten!" (hee hee hee…) Kuja rolled his eyes. 

"That movie sucked! So let's fight!" Wedge pushed a huge box out from the shadows. Kuja hovered above the ground waiting impatiently. Biggs grabbed a crowbar and cracked the lid off. Out came something very…scary. Terrifying and horrific. For out came…

"No way…" Kuja gasped. Cloud's eyes widened. 

"It can't be…" Out came…a herd of clowns. Ten to be correct. Ten balloon tying, face painting, little car making clowns. Kuja snorted. Soon he fell out of the air, laughing to the point of tears. Cloud, however, backed away. 

"Uh, Kuja man…um…Clowns…scare me…a lot!" Kuja wiped a tear from his eye. 

"Now that's a good one, the amazing Cloud of legend, scared of Clowns!" Kuja grabbed his stomach as a new fit of laughter came over him. 

"Oh! You…you gotta be kidding!" Kuja shouted. But Cloud backed to the edge. Biggs and Wedge shivered. 

"Clowns are so vile…they are truly frightening!" Biggs cried. Wedge nodded. 

"However, if Kuja isn't scared yet, meet their master!" Out of the box came a new foe. This time, it was a very large, moving puppet. Now Kuja stopped laughing and joined Cloud. 

"Uh, Cloud? Puppets scare me…" He said softly. Cloud shook his head. 

"Puppets scare you? I'm one with puppets, it's the clowns that scare me!" Kuja smiled. 

"You take on the puppet, I'll kill the clowns then. Deal?" Cloud grinned. 

"Deal." The two turned to the advancing enemies and ran at them. 

5 mintues later…

"Phew, that was easier then I thought!" Kuja disted his hands off. Cloud nodded. 

"Piece of Pie!" The two smiled and laughed. 

"Hey, guys!" The duo turned to see Eiko and the rest of the group on Phoenix. They ran over to them. Eiko held out an odd looking item as the got on Phoenix. 

"Is that…?" Kuja asked. Eiko nodded. 

"Yep! This is the Frog Kiss! Garnet um…gave it to me. Now let's get out of here!" Kuja frowned. 

"Uh, she gave it to you?" Eiko blushed. 

"Sorta…can we please just go get my wish granted?!"

Biggs and Wedge ran up the tower and to the Queen's Chambers. 

"Queen Garnet!" They cried as they burst through the door. Inside they found Garnet, buck naked and tied up. She was hanging from the chandlier. She narrowed her eyes. 

"Stop…looking…and…GET ME DOWN!!!!!"  They sighed and turned away. Two girls ran inside. Both near twins to Garnet. 

"I'm Rinoa!"

"And I'm Tifa!"

"And we'll help you!" Stars appeared behind them. Wedge sighed. 

"Oh God no…"

Author's Note: Did you miss me??? Here it is. Note the new cameos!!! P.S the story is far from over and whoever said Crono is right! Keep going, the contest is still open!


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11! The New Princess of Frogs!!**

"So, I'll be Garnet Number One and you'll be number Two?" Tifa asked. Riona shook her head. 

"No way! Squally Honey Muffin said I could be Garnet Number One. Plus, Zidane likes me better!" Tifa glared at her. 

"Not true! Zidane likes me better plus, Cloudypoo said I can be the First Garnet!" As the two girls argued over who would be the main "Garnet", the real Garnet was clothed and tied to a chair. Zidane, Biggs and Wedge were bound and gagged in cages. Garnet growled. 

"You guys make me sick!" She spat. Zidane groaned. 

"I wonder if Eiko would marry me instead of these crazy girls?" He wondered quietly. Riona smiled. 

"Well, either way, our plans are going smoothly. Soon, this world, FF8's world and FF7's world, will be ours!" The two girls laughed evilly. Garnet decided that if she ever got out alive, she'd kick both of those bimbos asses…

2 Hours Later…

"So, is our quest complete?" Kuja asked. Eiko nodded. 

"Yep!" She pulled out the Frog Kiss. "With this, I will marry Zidane and I'll become Queen Eiko! You guys will be my royal Bodyguards!" She chucked quietly. Vivi sighed.

"I'm in love with an insane person." He thought out loud. Eiko glared at him. 

"What did you say!?" She shouted. Vivi groaned. 

"N-nothing…"  Kuja smiled and leaned back on Phoenix. 

"Hmm…soon, Eiko's wish will be granted." He paused and nudged Freya. "Heh, you still have to stare at my butt."  Freya resisted smiling and instead said, 

"Kuja, I wouldn't be caught dead staring at your rear."  Kuja shrugged. 

"Yeah right, you know you want to." Kuja sang. Freya was about to reply when Phoenix took a sudden dive. Freya grabbed onto to Kuja's waist. Kuja grinned briefly before grabbed Cloud, who had been sitting quietly beside him. As Phoenix dove down, Cloud grabbed little Vivi, who panicked and grabbed Eiko. Eiko clenched her fists. 

"Ah! Phoenix, I order you to stop!" She shouted. Phoenix didn't even slow down. Eiko's hands had dug into Phoenix when he had begun to go down and were now slipping. She tried again. "Phoenix! I summoned you! Now stoppppp!!" The ground was growing nearer and still the bird sped on. Kuja decided on what to do. 

"Eiko! Let go!" He shouted. Eiko wish she could kick him. 

"Are you nuts!? There's no way I'm letting go!" She yelled. Kuja rolled his eyes. 

"Vivi!" he cried. "Tickle her!" Vivi, though confused, did indeed tickle her. Eiko laughed and let go. The group screamed as they flew off the bird. They went up for awhile, pausing briefly in the air, before dropping like a stone. Kuja let go of Cloud and focused all his energy on a certain spell. Soon, the ground was only 20 feet away. Eiko was screaming out "Kuja I hate you!" while Vivi merely screamed, along with Cloud and Freya, who was still connected to Kuja. 

"Kuja! If I die and you live, I'll haunt you till you die!" Eiko shouted. The ground was only a few feet away now. Everyone but Kuja shut their eyes, preparing for the worse. Then, it all stopped. Freya opened her eyes. A blade of grass poked her nose. She let out a sigh of relief. Everyone else opened their eyes. The ground was nearly touching their faces but they were still alive and well. Rather suddenly, they hit the ground. 

"Ouch!" 

"Ouf!"

"Owwie!"

"Oh…my leg…" The group lay in a pile, arms and legs coming out at odd angles, with Eiko at the bottom. She pushed her way out and saw Kuja standing in front of them. Freya rubbed her head as she got up. 

"Kuja? Did you stop us?" she asked. Eiko jumped in front of her. 

"Kuja, you nearly got me killed! Let go he says! That was the stupidest idea ever!" Eiko chewed Kuja out. For some odd reason, he didn't say anything back. He looked odd. Cloud and Vivi stood up and moved beside Eiko. 

"Hey, Kuja man, what's up?" Cloud asked. Kuja sighed. 

"You know, I was just going to let you guys hit ground." He said quietly. Everyone was taken aback. 

"Why?" Vivi asked. Kuja sighed. 

"I was going to take over the world, with you guys as my slaves. I figured, since I would be the one making the wish, I could just tell you guys I was going to help you, then stab you in the back." He paused. "But…I've…well…for the first time in my life, I'm having fun!" He smiled and the group relaxed. "And I'll be damned if I'm going to stop now!" Eiko smiled and stepped forward. She then delivered a harsh kick to his knee. Kuja groaned and fell to the ground. 

"Kuja." She laughed. "That's for being evil!" She smiled and gave him a hug. "And this is for saving me." Kuja smiled, then groaned as he was given another kick from Eiko. "And that!" She laughed. "Was for the Let Go idea!" Freya smiled, moved Eiko aside and gave Kuja a kiss on the lips. Everyone was surprised. Most of all, Kuja. Freya stopped and laughed. 

"Thanks for saving us!" She smiled. Kuja laughed. 

"So, does this mean you'll stare at my ass?" He asked slyly. Freya sighed. 

"Yes Kuja, I'll stare at your butt." At that moment, the girl with Sakura appeared again. 

"Whoo-hoo!" Yume shouted (^_~) "Freya is going to look at Kuja's butt!" She disappeared after saying that. Freya shook her head. 

"Later though, first, we have to go get Phoenix!" Eiko nodded. 

"Yeah! We have to get moving!" They were about to go in the direction Phoenix had when a voice stopped them. 

"Looking for this?" They turned around. There stood, of all people, Garnet, sitting on top of Phoenix. 

"Garnet?" Eiko cried in disbelief. Garnet laughed. 

"Sort of! Let's just say, a this Phoenix will be my new summon. And aren't you missing this?" Garnet held up the Frog Kiss. Eiko growled. 

"You! You piece of crap! Give that here!" Garnet laughed. 

"Nah, I think I'll keep it! By the way, thanks Cloudypoo for getting it for me!" The group turned back to Cloud, who sighed. 

"Sorry guys…" he muttered. Garnet laughed. 

"Now, for world domination! Go, Phoenix!" With that, she flew away, leaving Eiko and the rest in a state of shock. 

Author's Note: There, another new chapter. Is Cloud really a traitor, are Kuja and Freya going to "hook up"? Will I stop putting Yume in? (Doubt it, it's fun! ^_^) were there any cameos in this chapter? Do I ask too many questions? Find out in chapter 12!!!


	12. Chapter 12 Part 1

**Chapter 12! The Face of Weevil Part One!**

"This can't be good!" Kuja shouted. Eiko stomped her feet screaming. 

"We were so close! So close we tripped at the finish line!" She screamed, tears running down her face. Cloud backed away from the group, his eyes big. 

"Listen guys…I had to give her it! It's my girlfriend. She said no mushy stuff if I didn't!" Freya glared at him. 

"Vivi, light my spear." Vivi nodded and cast fire on Freya's spear. Freya pointed the now flaming spear at Cloud. 

"Go join your posse, cause this one is kicking you out!" Freya jammed the spear at him. He yelped but it only grazed his side. However, since it was on fire…

"Holy macadamia nuts! This hurts!" Cloud ran around until Kuja hit him with a beam of light. Cloud disappeared. Freya frowned. 

"Kuja, I wasn't going to kill him…" Kuja smiled. 

"I didn't kill him…I just sent him somewhere…" Eiko sighed. 

"Either way…First! We need to know where they went and what they plan to wish for…hmmm…we need…someone…" Eiko pondered quietly. Kuja yawned and sat down on the ground. 

"This is getting ridiculous!" Freya shouted. Vivi looked around, waiting for a sign. And he got one.

"Guys!" He yelled. They turned. Vivi pointed at a small, floating animal. It had a big purple feather for a tail, big black eyes and a red teeth filled mouth. It was peach colored as well. 

"What the hell is that?" Kuja asked, tilting his head to the side. But Eiko's eyes filled with happiness. 

"It's…a…POLLYWOG!" She cried. The girl ran over to it and hugged it. Image the group's surprise when they saw she was hugging a handsome, battle dressed young man. The boy had silver hair and was carrying a huge ax-like sword. 

"Uh…hello?" He said. Eiko let go of his waist with a scream. 

"What the heck are you?" She shouted. The boy backed away waving his hands. 

"I'm…I'm Rue. I don't know where I am or who you are though…" Kuja pushed Eiko aside and eyed him. 

"Hmm…I've never seen someone like you…where are you from?" Rue sighed. 

"I'm from Carona. I was in the forest, transforming when a guy with spiky hair appeared with a weird looking girl. She was carrying a bottle with a frog in it." Eiko jumped up and down. 

"My Frog Kiss!" She clapped her hands. Rue nodded. 

"That's what they called it. Then they said something about other items and that's when they saw me. The guy shot me with this beam of light and here I am!" Kuja sighed.

"Oh yeah…I kinda gave Cloud some power when I sent him away. I sent him to his girlfriend." Eiko kicked Kuja in the shin, then turned to Rue. 

"Mister Rue, will you pleaseeee take us to Carona?" She asked sweetly. 

"I would love to, if I could get there myself…" Kuja stepped foreward, still rubbing his knee. 

"I have an idea…"

Author's Note: a little short but you'll see why in part 2!!!! Btw, can you guess what game Rue is from?


	13. Chapter 12 Part 2

Chapter 12! The Next Dimension of Crossovers! (Part 2)

"So, what's your idea?" Rue asked. Kuja grinned.

"Glad you asked Rue my boy!" Kuja took a step back to stand next to Freya. He grabbed her hand, kissed it, and then went back over to Rue. Freya blushed. "What I'll do is put enough magic on your sword thing that it will take us right to Cloud!" Eiko clapped her hands.

"Then make with the magic! Let's go let's go let's go! Soon, Zidane will be mine! Ahahahahahahaaaa!!" Vivi patted Eiko and shook his head. 

"Sometimes, you sound very evil…" He muttered. Eiko puffed out her cheeks but shut up. Rue nodded. 

"Anything to protect the people of Carona. They did so much for me during my quest…" Eiko shrugged. 

"Whatever. Just give Kuja your damn sword so I can get my damn Frog Kiss and get it to the damn moon!" Vivi blinked.

"Eiko…? You say damn?" Eiko grinned. 

"I say worse when you're not around." Rue smiled. 

"You remind me of my friend Mint, Eiko." Eiko giggled.

"You know…now that I think about it…you are as cute as Zidane!" (^_^) Rue swallowed nervously. Kuja sighed. 

"Can we just get on with it?!" He shouted. Everyone shut up. He smiled. "Better. Rue, hand me your sword. I'll put some magic on it." Rue flipped his sword out and handed it too Kuja. Kuja took a breath and laid the sword on the ground. He placed one hand on it and whipped his tail quickly. The sword glowed green for only a moment, then rocketed into the air. Rue gasped and ran over to where his sword had been. 

"What the…where's my Arc Edge?" He cried. Kuja stood up. 

"Uh…you see…it's going to take one night for the magic to set in. So we'll just camp here and wait, ok?" Suddenly, the usually appearance of Yume with Sakura happened  happened (^_~ Sakura has already been found by my Cameo Contest, which is still going)

"Well, you didn't forget me this time. At least I know Rue isn't from Winnie the Pooh now!" She disappeared as usual. 

"Ok…I'm getting used to that now." Eiko sighed. "Ok, let's see...Vivi and Freya are in charge of tents. Kuja, get a fire going! Rue…you stay with me! ^_^"  Rue sighed. Kuja flicked his tail in annoyance and Freya and Vivi got the tent tarp and sticks out. A fire appeared near his tail. Rue shook his head.

"This place is weird…"

"…And so, Cloud gave the Frog Kiss to Tifa a.k.a 'Garnet' while we were listening to Kuja. Then you appeared. That's about it." Eiko had finally finished telling Rue everything. From when Zidane first kidnapped Garnet to early that day. Rue had already told the group everything as well. Vivi was asleep, so was Freya. She had oddly enough fallen asleep on Kuja's leg, claiming she needed a pillow. Kuja didn't complain. 

"This place is weird…" Rue said. Eiko shrugged, noticing briefly that Kuja's eyes were growing heavy. She smiled. 

"Tired Kuja?" She asked. Kuja grunted. 

"No, I'm not. I was just thinking…" Eiko tilted her head to the side and pulled her knees closer to her chest.

"About what?" She questioned. Kuja rested his hand on Freya's shoulder. 

"Freya used to hate me. Then we grew to tolerate each other…then friends…then…Eiko, you're a girl, does Freya like me?" Eiko grinned and nodded. 

"Definitely! She has got the hots for you major! I mean, she keeps checking you out and the way you two fight…pure love!" Kuja blushed lightly and smiled. 

"You really think so?" He asked. Eiko nodded again. Even Rue smiled. "Then…I'll…I'll…tell her I like her later…Ok?" They both nodded and Kuja lay down on the ground. Within minutes, he was fast asleep. The flames of the fire were growing dimmer. Then Rue spoke. 

"You know…this quest your on…we need more back up. Plus…I think you and that small boy should stay here." Eiko glared at him. 

"WHAT?!" she shouted. "I'm the leader around here!" She paused and glanced at Vivi. He was very cute when sleeping. "But Vivi…I don't want him to get hurt…" She stopped and gasped. "I mean, he'll get in the way!" Rue smiled. 

"You like him. You don't want to see him hurt!" Eiko blushed madly. 

"That-that'-not-not it!" She cried. Rue nodded. 

"Yes it is. Just admit it. I won't tell anyone you know."  Eiko sighed, defeated. 

"Ok, fine! I like Vivi a lot. But not as much as I like Zidane…at least…I think?" She rubbed her eyes with her sleeve. "Ah! This is really confusing! I think I like Zidane more but I can't tell! They both mean a lot to me! Zidane is in the hands of Tifa and Garnet! I gotta save him!" She paused. "I don't want to see Vivi hurt or worse on this quest. Freya can handle herself and if not, Kuja can definitely help her. But I can't protect Vivi!" Rue nodded. 

"You have a lot of mixed feelings. But I still think it would be best if you left Vivi in the care of a friend. How about that Doctor Tot guy? He sounds ok." Eiko nodded. 

"Alright. Fine. In the morning, we'll stop in Treno and leave Vivi…" She sighed. "I hope he'll forgive me." Rue smiled. 

"If he is as great a guy you make him out to be, then he will." She smiled. 

"You're a cool kid Rue." Rue blushed lightly. 

"Thanks…"

The next morning, in Treno, Eiko had a talk with Doctor Tot. He agreed to keep Vivi safe. Vivi had a huge problem with it, protesting that Eiko could get hurt. But Rue, Kuja and Freya assured him she'd be fine. He made them promise several times before he let them go. Of course, he gave Eiko a goodbye kiss, causing her to blush uncontrollably and kick him at the same time. 

When they got to the field where they had first found Rue, they discovered his sword floating just above the ground. It had a slight glow to it. Rue ran over to it and grabbed it. Kuja, Freya and Eiko gathered around it. 

"Now what?" Rue asked. Kuja stepped forward.

"All we have to do is have Rue think of this place. Then we'll be there. Now Rue…think very very hard about Carona…"

Author's Note: Next Chapter, In Carona! See ya there!


	14. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13! Secret Agent Mage!**

Author's Note: Ok, I know my style of writing this fic wasn't the best choice. While I haven't been flamed, the only thing you guys said was a problem was the speaker association. So I'm going to try and fix that here ok? And don't worry, another thing people were wondering about was why the crew is leaving Vivi and why they are going to the Threads of Fate world. Well, they are going on tour so look for them in a town near you! (not really) 

Vivi tiptoed quietly through Doctor Tot's home. He had decided. He was going to go help Eiko. He didn't trust Kuja and was now worried that Freya may be in love with him. If she was, then she might side with him. Plus, he didn't trust that Rue kid. He hadn't had time to talk to him. So maybe he was ok but still, he didn't know for sure. Vivi had to be very quiet or else Tot would hear him. Then he'd be caught and would never get the chance to help Eiko. 

"Vivi!" Vivi stopped and turned. Doctor Tot came running down the stairs, holding a file in his hands.

"Doctor Tot!" He cried. Tot reached him and stopped. "What do you want?" 

"Vivi, I wanted to show you something. This file." He handed it to Vivi. "Inside is information about that Rue kid and all the other weirdos you've been seeing. I figured you might want to know about it." Vivi looked it over. 

"Ok, this is weird." He began to read out loud. "Aeris is from the planet, Yuna is from Spira, Rue lives near Carona??" He stopped and looked up at Tot. "Where are these places?" 

"Well, they are on other planets!" He grinned. Vivi's jaw dropped. 

"Other planets?! Then where the hell is Eiko?!" 

"Right in Carona by now!" Doctor Tot said cheerful. 

"Well…" Vivi began. "If these people live on other planets, then how'd they get here?" 

"Ah, that's a long story. Sit down young one." Vivi sat down and sighed. "Alright, it seems that these planets are kept secret from each other through devices called "Discs". These Discs run the whole world, which is as a whole called, "Squaresoft". Now, I believe that something is wrong. All the Discs are combining the worlds to create one world. Which is bad. However, the Discs recently stopped this activity."

"Well, that's good news then!" Vivi smiled. 

"Well, it was good news, until you idiots went looking for the Frog Kiss Item. This item is part of several items that can reactivate the Discs. Which would be bad, causing this entire universe to come crashing down on all of us!!" 

"Well, what other items do you need?" Vivi asked. Doctor Tot smiled. 

"In these files, it states that one item is needed from every major world, any containing a Disc. You must track down these worlds and find the items before Cloud and those Garnet look alikes do!" 

"Ok…I'll go warn Eiko! We'll get them all! Uh…quick question…" Vivi looked up at Tot. 

"What is it?" Tot asked. 

"Well, why are the Discs going to destroy the world?" Vivi asked. 

"Well…the Discs have a strange way of doing things. They use a supernatural power to control people's lives. Now, when you revived Kuja, you angered the Disc of this world. It thinks that shouldn't have happened. This happened in every world, causing all the Discs to freak out. Well, I hope that helps." 

Vivi jumped up and grabbed his staff. 

"You know what Doctor Tot? I knew this was Kuja's fault somehow." Vivi ran down the stairs. Doctor Tot smiled and waited at the top. Vivi then ran back to the top. 

"Um, how do I get to Carona?" He asked. 

"Well, I know for a fact that Riona, the second Garnet clone, is leaving in about an hour to join Tifa. I'm sure Eiko is going after her and Cloud. Take the Gagaunt downstairs to get there quickly." Tot explained. Vivi nodded. 

"Thanks Doctor Tot." Vivi ran up the stairs and jumped down the hole to go to the Gagaunt. 

"Vivi, I wish you luck." Doctor Tot sighed. "You will need it."

Author's Note: Ok, this is a very short chapter. I just wanted to get a few plot points out of the way before I began the next part of this story. Alright, see you all soon! 


	15. Chapter 14(Threads of Fate)

****

Chapter 14! I'm a Treasure hunter, not a thief!!

Author's Note: I'm very proud of the amount of reviews I get for this fic. I love it. I thank everyone. Ok, enough chit-chat right? Time for the fic…

Vivi ran through the palace, ducking behind plants and corners whenever he heard a guard coming. Vivi finally came to the throne room. There sat Rinoa talking non-stop about her nails to a tied up and gagged Zidane. 

"Aren't they the best nails you've ever seen?!" Rinoa squealed. "I get up every morning and paint them and polish them and hug them and put little star stickers on them!" Zidane was banging his head against the floor. Vivi ran into the room. Rinoa stopped talking and Zidane stopped banging his head. 

"H-Hello Queen G-garnet." Vivi muttered, bowing. 

"Hello!" Rinoa chirped. "Are you here to help me paint my nails?" 

"No." Vivi shook his head. "Tifa sent me to help you through Carona." Rinoa shot out of her throne and jumped up and down with delight. 

"YAY!!!! I get to go to Carona!" She sang out of tune. "I get to go to Carona, I get to go to Carona! YAY!!" 

Zidane resumed trying to kill himself. Vivi walked over to him. 

"Tifa said to bring him to and let me take care of him." Vivi said quickly. 

"Oh pooh!" Rinoa sighed. "She has Cloud, why can't I have a good man?" 

"I thought you had Squall?" Vivi asked. 

"No." Rinoa shook her head. "Squall used one to many summons and he can't remember what day it is, let alone me." Rinoa walked over to a door next to the throne. 

"This door," she said "Will take us to Carona! So let's go!" Rinoa opened the door, and grabbed Zidane. Vivi followed her through it. As soon as they were through, the door shut and disappeared. They were in a forest full of pollywogs. 

"AWWWWW!!!!" Rinoa cooed. "Aren't they sweet?! I want to hug them and pet them and love them and pat them and kiss them and-" Rinoa went on and on as Vivi freed Zidane. First he took the gag out of his mouth. 

"Her voice." Zidane whispered. "Must…kill…vocal cords!" Vivi wondered briefly weather he should untie Zidane. However, he didn't have to think long. Voices began to shout at him. 

"Vivi? Is that you?" Freya's voice called. 

"Vivi's here?! Did he get my summon back?!" Eiko shouted as she ran to him. 

"Hmm…I think that's my brother with him…" Kuja walked quietly next to Freya.

"And that's the witch Mint told me about!" Rue shouted. 

"Hi guys!" Vivi called. Vivi noticed a girl with pink hair and a purple dress running at Rinoa. 

"You bitch!" She shouted. "Just when I finally got a [relic] you take it from me?! I'll rip your arms off for that!" Eiko and the others gathered around Vivi talking quickly, filling him in. 

"We got here and Tifa was using Phoenix on that Pink haired lady Mint." Eiko said. 

"She took some sort of Crystal from Mint and off she flew." Freya said. 

"We followed her here and then she and that bastard Cloud opened a door and disappeared." Kuja stated. 

Rue was wrestling Mint away from killing Rinoa. Soon, the group had freed Zidane and tied up the idiot Rinoa. Rue and Kuja kept Mint and Zidane from killing Rinoa. 

"Vivi, you shouldn't have come." Eiko sighed. "Now you might get hurt." 

"No I won't." Vivi smiled. "It's Tifa, Cloud and Rinoa who are going to get hurt." 

"I agree." Kuja said. 

"Eh heh heh heh…" Eiko laughed. "I know why! Cause you were going to kiss Freya then Phoenix showed up!" 

"That's not true you little brat!" Kuja turned bright red. "Freya and I were talking!" 

"Uh huh." Eiko rolled her eyes. "Yeah right…sure…yeah ok pal." 

"Though…you did miss something Vivi." Kuja then added slyly. "I got Freya to look at my butt!" Vivi smiled and Eiko giggled. Freya blushed. 

"Well, now what?" Rue asked. 

"I say we rip her arms off!" Mint shouted. 

"I think we should make it so she can never talk again!" Zidane said. 

"I meant what should we do about Tifa." Rue sighed. 

"Well…" Vivi began. "First we need to find out what they are doing. What Tifa's up to I mean." 

"We already know that." Kuja smirked. "But since you missed it…Tifa is going from world to world, stealing the most important item, then going to the next world. She leaves every world in ruins. In our world, she took the Frog Kiss. ("The bitch!" Cried Eiko.) In this world, she took the Dewprism. ("That slut!" Yelled Mint) In some world called, 'Final Fantasy 7', her home world, she took something called the Masamune. ("The whore girlfriend of Cloud!" Shouted Sephiroth in the Crater.) " 

"The next world she's going to is the Final Fantasy 10 world. I think it's called Spira." Freya told Vivi. 

"Don't forget my world!" Rinoa sang. "She took my necklace!" 

"Fine, whatever, WE DON'T CARE!!!" Eiko shouted and Zidane then gagged Rinoa. 

"So what's our next move?" Vivi asked. 

"Well," Mint said. "Me and Rue will try to save our world. So we are staying here. I'm sure there are other heroes in those worlds to help you." 

"Ok, what else?" Vivi asked. 

"Well!" Eiko smiled. "I have a plan! Huttle!!" The group, excluding Mint and Rue, gathered around Eiko. 

"See, what we do is let Rinoa go, then she will lead us to Spira!" Eiko said proudly. 

"That will work." Kuja nodded, "Hey, Zidane, you stay with her though." 

"WHAT?!" Zidane shouted, his eyes wide. "NO WAY!! I'LL GO INSANE IF I'M WITH HER!!" 

"Too bad." Freya said, "We need you to make sure she doesn't do anything. I'll give you ear plugs ok?" 

"…you guys owe me big for this." Zidane said finally. "I'll do it." 

"Ok, ready?" Eiko asked. Zidane took the earplugs from Freya and jammed them in his ears. He nodded. "Then let's do it!" 

Kuja untied Rinoa and she jumped up, smiling. 

"Oh thank you sooo much!!" Rinoa grinned. "Now I have to go to Tifa! See ya! Come Zidane!!" 

Rinoa made another door, then opened it. She hopped through it, followed by a crying Zidane. Kuja put his foot in it before it shut. 

"Thanks, Rue, Mint." Eiko said. 

"No prob! Just get the Dewprism back!" Mint cried. Eiko nodded and the group jumped through the door. 

This time they found themselves on top of an airship. A huge, ugly monster was on one side, Rinoa, Tifa, Cloud and Zidane on the other, hovering on Phoenix. A group of people had their weapons out and were yelling at Tifa. A red-haired man saw them. 

"hey, look guys! More of them!" The group turned to see Eiko and her friends. "Who are you?" 

"I'm Eiko! This is Kuja, (Kuja waved) Freya, (Freya nodded) and Vivi. (Vivi sighed). We are here to stop Tifa and get my damn summon back!" 

"I'm Wakka, this is Lulu, Yuna, Rikku, Tidus, Auron, and Kimhari." 

"You're a summoner too?" Yuna asked. "Then you and your guardians must help us!" 

"You're too late!" Tifa yelled. "I will now take the most important item (more or less) in this world!" Suddenly, a pretty Mirror flew out of Tidus's pocket and to Tifa. 

"No! My Celestial Mirror!" Tidus yelled. Tifa smiled. 

"Now you can't get your main weapons and here's something else I'll do for you!" Tifa waved her hands. Phoenix flew up, then rained fire down on Spira. Sin also disappeared. "Now players can't beat this game either!" Tifa laughed as Phoenix flew higher, then made a huge door. They flew through it and disappeared. 

"Come back!" Tidus yelled. Eiko walked over to them. 

"Listen, were trying to stop her. We'll get your stuff back but we need your help."

Meanwhile, in the real world. 

Matt Welch sat playing Final Fantasy 7. He had finally made it to Sephiroth. How he had longed to finish this game, see the ending he so desired. Sephiroth appeared, and said. 

"Sorry guys, I can't fight you since Tifa took my damn sword!!!" Sephiroth yelled. His party members looked around, confused. 

"Speaking of which…where did Cloud and Tifa go?" Yuffie wondered. 

"Yeah, they were with us on that path where we spilt up!" Cait Sith said. 

"Well, I guess were just gonna have to wait for their asses since Tifa's got Sephiroth's sword." Cid muttered. So the group sat down next to Sephiroth and started a game of cards. 

"Got any 7's Sephy?" Yuffie asked. Sephiroth sighed and threw a seven at her. 

"I shall kill the person that beats me in Go Fish!" Sephiroth laughed evilly. Cid laughed. 

"With what? You've got no sword!" Cid laughed again and Sephiroth glared at him. "Now, Barret, got any 3's?" 

Matt watched intently. He had never since this part of the game. He smiled. 

"dude, this is cool! But I hope Tifa and Cloud come back soon…"

Author's Note: Oh no, what happens in the fanfiction world is effecting gamers everywhere! Stay tuned and fell sorry for Matt, who has to watch a very long card game…


	16. Chapter 15(FF10)

****

Chapter 15!! What goes around keeps going round and round!! Kupo!!

Author's Note: ta-da! Another chapter, just for you guys!! Keep on reviewing. Oh, Yume, a little treat for you in this chapter! ^_~

Still, back with Matt Welch in the real world…

"Got any 2's?" Barret asked Yuffie. 

"Nope!" Yuffie grinned. "Go fish!" Barret sighed and grabbed a card from the pile. "Heya Sephy? Got a question for ya!" 

"What you sad excuse for a ninja?" Sephiroth muttered. 

"Is Vinnie here really your daddy?" Yuffie asked. 

"What?" Vincent blinked. "I've already answered that question Yuffie!! I'm not his father!" 

"You could be." Sephiroth shrugged. "I mean, think about it Valentine." 

"Those two got a point." Cid said. "I mean, Sephy here looks a lot more like you then he does Hojo." 

"Yeah, tons and tons more!" Yuffie grinned. Vincent glared at her. 

"I'll have you know that Lucerica (something like that…) and I never went so far as to conceive a child!" Vincent said, getting ticked off. 

"Whatever you say Vinnie…" Yuffie grinned. "So, Sephy Valentine, got any 4's?" Sephiroth threw her a 4 and Yuffie threw down her cards. "I win again!! Thank you, Mr. Valentine!" 

Matt Welch stared at the game screen. 

"Is this the real ending?" He wondered. Suddenly, the door burst open. There stood everyone's favorite reviewer, Yume!

"Hello there Matt Welch!" She smiled. "Naw, this isn't the ending but this will be better then the ending if they play strip poker!!" Yume sat down next to Matt on the floor and watched the games with him. 

"Alright! The name of the game is…" Yuffie began. "Gin Rummy." Everyone, (including Yume) groaned. "Geez, fine, what do you want to play Sephy Valentine?" ("I'm not his father Yuffie!" Vincent said angrily.) 

"Hmm…I don't know why but I feel like playing…strip poker." Everyone stared at him. Yume cheered. "But I happen to think we need more girls for that. At least two more…" Suddenly, due to fanfiction author magic, Selphie and Quintis from FF8 appeared. 

"Hello!" They both said.

"Good enough…" Sephiroth muttered. Thus began the weirdest strip poker in the history of…strip poker. I'll leave it up to the reader's imagination. ^_^

"So…how can we help?" Tidus asked. "With this little quest thingy?" 

"Well…" Eiko seemed to be thinking, then she said. "Do you know any flying summons around here? Cause Phoenix was my summon but now I need another one for now." 

"There is Valefor." Yuna said. "He can fly but he can't carry all of you." 

"Oh…" Eiko sighed. "How about any others then?" 

"There's Bahamut. But I don't know about him." Yuna thought again. "Well…the Magus Sisters but they could only carry three…"

"This isn't fair!!" Eiko screamed. "Nothing is going my way! All I wanted was the Frog Kiss so that Kuja could blow the moon to hell and I could get Zidane! But no, what happened instead?" Vivi patted Eiko on the shoulder but it didn't help her much. "Instead, Zidane is basically a pile of crap since Rinoa tortured him, Tifa has my summon and my Frog Kiss and is taking over every world since she's taking every usefully item they have! Not to mention that Freya and Kuja really are falling in love ("That's not true!" They both shouted.) and Vivi hasn't cast Fire on Kuja for a million chapters!…I mean days!" 

"Now there is one thing I can help you with…" Vivi grinned and turned to Kuja. 

"Now wait a minute Vivi!" Kuja began backing away from the mage. "I didn't do anything yet, so you can't cast that spell!" 

"Yes I can." Vivi grinned and began summoning fire.

"And why's that?" Kuja asked. 

"Because, it will make Eiko happy." Vivi shrugged and cast Fira on Kuja. Kuja cried out as the flames hit him. His clothes and feathers were on fire. He looked around for water. 

"Hey, uh, Kuja?" Tidus said. "There's some water right below the airship…" Kuja ran off and jumped over the edge of the airship. Eiko, Freya and Vivi ran to the side and looked down. They were hovering above a large blue ball of water, which had a stadium built around it. 

"Where is he?" Freya asked.

"We better go get him…" Tidus muttered. "Follow me." 

Tidus had the airship land and lead everyone out to where the blue ball was. Kuja was inside, with a lot of other people. Kuja was trying to avoid getting hit by a weird looking ball but not doing very well. 

"Kuja!" Freya yelled. "Dammit, can he breath?" 

"I don't know." Tidus said. "How long can he hold his breath?" 

"Not long at all!" Eiko cried. "We need to get him out of there!" 

"Already on it." Tidus pointed at the ball of water. "Wakka's got him. Let's go down there and make sure your friend's alright." 

They got down to where Wakka had come out. Kuja was sitting on the ground, soaking wet and coughing up water. His feathers were bent oddly and his clothes were singed. 

"Did you know that I never learned how to swim?" He was asking Wakka. Freya ran over to him and threw her arms around him. 

"Kuja! Are you ok?" She asked. Kuja blinked. 

"Yeah, I'm fine…" He said. Freya kissed him, causing Eiko to burst out with laughter. Kuja grinned as Freya pulled away. 

"Vivi." He said. "If I get that result every time, then I give you permission to cast Fira on me whenever you want!" Vivi smiled. 

"Sorry Kuja." He said. "Next time I'll make sure you're closer to water…and that you can swim." 

"It's ok. It worked though." Kuja pointed to Eiko, who was still giggling. Freya was blushing. "Eiko's happy so it worked." Vivi nodded. Kuja got up and ran his hand over his tail, getting some of the water off it. He took his feathers out and looked at them. "I need to fix these…" 

"Good job Wakka." Tidus said. "Now let's get back to the airship and get Kuja a towel or something." 

Later, after Kuja had dried off, the group sat in a nice part on the airship that had couches and chairs. Kuja was wearing one of Tidus shirts and some of Auron's pants until his clothes dried. He looked funny, mostly since the clothes were too big for him. (he fixed his feathers too btw)

"Ok, so now what?" Eiko asked. "What world is next?" 

"Well…what worlds have been hit so far?" Kuja wondered. "Let's see…our world…Tifa's world, Rinoa's world, Tidus's world, Rue's world…that it?" 

"I think so." Vivi said. "That's four worlds so far. But what world is next? How can we get there?" 

"I think I know a way…" Yuna said. "When I summon Anima and use her overdrive, she takes her victim to another world for a bit. Maybe I could have her create a door for you?" 

"Thank you Yuna!" Eiko cried and gave her a hug. "I still don't know how to get to where Tifa is…" 

"Well…" Freya began. "Could Anima lock on to Phoenix's magic? To you know, find Tifa?" 

"It's possible." Yuna said. "We'll try in the morning."

"For now, let's sleep." Tidus said.

"Hey Kuja?" Eiko said. Kuja sighed and looked at the clock next to the couch. It was some weird looking time but it didn't take much to know that it was very late at night. 

"What?" He asked. Eiko walked over to him and sat down on his stomach. He groaned and tried to push her off. 

"I was wondering if I could sleep in here?" She asked. They had each taken a part of the airship to sleep. Kuja had picked the room they were in earlier. 

"Get off my stomach." He muttered. Eiko jumped off and looked at him. "So why do you want to sleep in here?" He asked. 

"Cause…I uh…because I had a night…"Eiko's voice trailed off. Kuja blinked. 

"You had a nightmare?" He asked. Eiko nodded. "Then go sleep with Vivi or Freya or someone I don't know." 

"I would…" She said. "But I talk a lot when I'm trying to get to sleep. I don't want to bug Vivi or Freya." 

"How nice of you." Kuja said sarcastically. "Go bug Tidus then." 

"Please Kuja?!" Eiko asked again. "Please please please?!" 

"Fine!" Kuja grumbled. Eiko smiled and hopped back on the couch. She laid down on the end where Kuja's feet were. 

"You have really girly feet Kuja." Eiko muttered. "Are they ticklish?" 

"No. Good night Eiko." Kuja sighed and shut his eyes. 

"Hey Kuja?" 

Kuja sighed. "What Eiko?"

"I need a pillow…" 

"That's nice…"

"Kuja!!" 

"Fine, here's one of mine."

"Huh? You only had one under your head…" 

"I keep one between my legs so that my back doesn't hurt when I get up." 

"EW!! This came from between your legs?"

"…Fine! I'll use that one and you use the one under my head."

The two traded pillows. 

"Better! Thanks Kuja!"

"…Good night Eiko…"

5 minutes later…

"Heya Kuja?" 

"…ZzZzZ…snore…"

"Kuja!" 

"…ZzZzZzZ…"

"Darn it Kuja wake up!" Eiko tickled his foot, causing Kuja to wake up very quickly. 

"What the hell?!"

"You lied, your feet are ticklish." 

"…You woke me up to tell me that?!" 

"No! I woke you up cause I'm not sleepy anymore!" 

"…Good for you." 

"Kuja! Tell me a bedtime story!" 

"…Will you fall asleep?!"

"Yep!"

"Fine…uhhh…once there was a prince. He found a princess, got married and became a king. The end, good night Eiko!" 

"…That wasn't a bedtime story!! Mom used to tell me stories and that one sucked!" 

"Please Eiko, go to sleep or at least let me?!" 

"No! Not until you tell me a good story!" 

"Fine…this story is about a very hansome, kind hearted young man. This young man had had a rough day and wanted nothing more then sleep. However, a cruel, ugly little girl wouldn't let him sleep…"

"What a mean girl!" 

"Yeah, tell me about it…anyway, the hansome young man decided to kick her off the couch that he was sleeping on, that way maybe he could finally sleep!" 

"…Wait a minute! You're talking about us aren't you?!"

Kuja nudged Eiko in the side until he pushed her off the couch. "Good night Eiko!" 

"You're so mean to me! Why are you being such a jerkoff?" 

"…Cause I want to sleep?" 

"…Can I still sleep there if I go to sleep?" 

"…Since I'm in such a good mood…no." 

"Please?? Please please please please please please?" 

"GOD!! Fine, get back up here then!!" 

"Yay!" Eiko climbed back to her spot and fell asleep almost right away. 

"Hmm…you know…" Kuja thought as he watched her sleep. "When her mouth isn't moving, she's almost cute." 

Back to Matt Welch…

"Dude! This rocks!" Matt grinned watching the TV. They were still watching the strip poker game.

"That is does my friend." Yume smiled insanely. "That it does…"

Author's Note: Ok, not much going on this chapter but I'm in a funny mood. I hope you liked the Kuja and Eiko part. I think it's funny. 


	17. Chapter 16 (Xenogears)(FF7)

****

Chapter 16!! Welcome to the City Wok!!!

Author's Note: ok, not as many reviews as I hoped on the last chapter but oh wellski! 

Kuja opened his eyes and yawned. It was morning for sure now and that meant it was time to go at it again. He sat up and saw that Eiko was still fast asleep on the other end of the couch. He nudged her a few times with his feet until her eyes opened too.

"Good morning sleepyhead!" Kuja said in a cheerful voice. 

"…Morning buttered toast…" Eiko muttered, her eyes almost shut. 

"Hey, wake up Eiko!" Kuja said, nudging her more. 

"Fine, I'm up!" She said finally, her eyes open fully. "Stop kicking me!" 

"I'm not kicking you." Kuja pointed out. "I'm barely tapping you with my foot!" 

"No, anything with your feet is kicking!" Eiko said stubbornly. 

"What's wrong with you?" Kuja asked. "Didn't get enough sleep?" 

"Shut up!" Eiko yelled. "Let's just go and get Tifa!" Eiko jumped off the couch and ran to the door she opened it, then said, "Thanks for letting me sleep in here…sorry I'm grumpy in the morning." Eiko ran out and Kuja blinked. 

"She said thanks and sorry in the same sentence?" Kuja wondered. "To me even. I figured those words weren't in her vocabulary." 

After everyone had eaten breakfast, since it had been awhile since they ate, they gathered on top of the airship for Yuna's summoning. 

"I thank you all for going after that woman." Yuna said as she pulled out her staff. 

"No big!" Eiko said. "We have to. You guys can't do anything now right?" 

"That's right." Yuna said. 

"Well then here…" Eiko handed Yuna a pack of playing cards. "Play some blackjack or go fish or something till we're done. It won't be long!" Everyone said good bye and Yuna summoned Anima. 

"Anima!" She called. "Use your magic to track down a summon called Phoenix!! Send those four people to it!" Anima roared and a dark hole appeared beneath Eiko, Kuja, Vivi and Freya. They slow sunk into it and it closed off. 

"I hope they'll be ok." Yuna said. 

"I hope that Kuja doesn't get set on fire again…" Tidus muttered. 

Eiko and the others looked around. Nothing but rocks and such. When they turned around, they couldn't believe their eyes. 

"A group of nudists!" Kuja grinned. 

"Shut your eyes Eiko, Vivi!" Freya said quickly. They did. 

"Where's my summon!!" Eiko shouted. "Where's Phoenix?" A girl with short brown hair looked over at them. 

"Hey, who are you?" She asked. 

"I'm Kuja, this is Freya, Eiko and Vivi…" Kuja stared at them "What are you doing?" 

"We're playing Strip Poker. I'm Yuffie." Yuffie answered. "This is Barret, Cid, Sephy Valentine, his dad Vincent Valentine ("I'm not his father Yuffie!!!" Vincent yelled) Cait Sith, Red XIII, Selphie and Quintis." 

"Oh…" Kuja said. "Where's Tifa? We need to find her to get our stuff back." 

"No clue." Yuffie said. "We were wondering that." 

"She's in the world of Xenogears." Sephy said. "Want to get there?" 

"Yes." Freya said. "Please." 

Sephy waved his hand and the group disappeared. 

"Anyway…" He said. "Let's get back to striping…I mean playing cards…" 

Meanwhile, with Matt Welch…

"Hey, did you see that Yume?" Matt asked. 

"Yeah, why was Eiko, Vivi, Freya and Kuja in FF7?" She asked. 

"No, not that!" Matt said. "Yuffie had cards hidden in her bandana!" 

"Oh…" Yume said.

Eiko and the others, meanwhile, found themselves in a grassy plain. Above them, three huge, HUGE robots were trying to fight Phoenix and Tifa off. 

"Hahaha!" Tifa cried. "I shall now take something important, too important so that this game can't be beat either!" She waved her hand and the robots disappeared. Three men appeared on the ground. 

"Damn!" A blonde haired man with a patch over his eye yelled.

"There, and the heroes arrive just in time to see us fly into the sunset!" Tifa called to Eiko. "I still got your summon!" 

"You bitchy, slutty, bad excuse for a villain! Don't forget, you still have Cloud as a boyfriend!" Eiko shouted. Tifa glared at her and flew off. The three men came over to them. 

"Now what?" a young, brown haired man with a ponytail wondered. 

"I'm Eiko, this is Vivi, Freya and the girl in really a guy named Kuja." Eiko said. 

"I hate you sometimes." Kuja muttered. 

"Anyway," Eiko continued. "That whore on my beautiful Phoenix in Tifa. She's going to different worlds, stopping everything by taking what she says is most important." 

"I'm Fei, this is Citan and this is Bart." Fei said. "And that Tifa did take something important!" 

"Without our Gears, we'll be killed." Bart said. 

"You are a very odd looking bunch." Citan said. "Mind telling us why you're here?" 

"Gladly." Eiko smiled.

Author's Note: Short but sweet. The next chapter will house an interesting plot twist….


	18. Chapter 17 (Everything!!!)

****

Chapter 17!!! More Money Then A Bartweiser!!!

Author's Note: Yay! New chapter! I had better hurry and finish this soon, since school's almost here and then it's homework instead of writing!!

"Ok…so…let me get this straight." Bart said later on his ship, the Yggdrasil(?). "You're from a different world, Tifa's from a different world and is taking anything important?" 

"Right." Eiko said. "See, without my Phoenix summon, we can't finish the main point of this fanfiction…err…I don't know what that means. I didn't even mean to say it…" 

"Then what can we do?" Citan asked. 

"Don't know…" Kuja sighed. "This is like a wild goose chase. It'd'll take us too long to get to whatever world Tifa's in." 

"By the time we get there, Tifa will be stealing again…" Freya agreed. "It's not right but I don't think we can do much of anything at this point." 

"Well, first, we should figure out what world she's in right now." Vivi decided. As if on cue, a tiny portal appeared in front of the group and a piece of paper came out of it. Kuja grabbed it. 

"Dear Idiots." Kuja read. "You can't even figure out what's going on can you? You don't get why I'm doing this? Not for fame or glory but for my team. For Yuffie, Barret, Cid, Vincent, Cloud, Red XIII, and Cait Sith. Hell, even for Sephiroth. Maybe even all those Aeris/Cloud fans that want to see them together. I'm talking Sequel baby! The world of Final Fantasy 7 shall destroy any game in our way! We shall rise again, beat other games to the ground to get our sequel! Even if it means taking over other games so that Square has no choice but to meet my demands!! Mwhahahahahahahhahaaaa!! And yes, I did take the time to write out my evil laugh…Bye sequeless idiots! With Hate and Disrespect, Tifa." Kuja looked at the group. No one knew what to make of it. Kuja folded up the letter. 

"What's a sequel?" Eiko asked. 

"A sequel is the legal continuation of a book, movie or video game." Citan answered. 

"Wow, you're smart." Eiko smiled. 

"Thank you Eiko." Citan said. 

"So then what does it all mean?" Freya wondered. "What's Square and Final Fantasy 7?" Suddenly, a light enveloped the group and sent them far away.

As soon as the light disappeared, they saw they were in a huge airship hanger. Everyone they had met so far was there, including many faces they didn't know. Mint, Rue, Tidus, Yuna, and the naked tribe members came over to them. 

"Heya Eiko!" Mint said cheerfully. "Did you kill that slutty Tifa girl yet?" 

"No…not yet but were getting there!" Eiko smiled. 

"Did Anima's powers work?" Yuna asked. 

"Yeah, it sent us to those naked people first but they sent us to these guys." Eiko nodded at Citan and the others. 

"Couldn't we have got some clothes first?!" Yuffie screamed. "It's cold and were all butt naked!!" 

"Heh heh…Yuffie, you have a rather nice ass." Sephiroth laughed. 

"Shut up before I summon Knights of the Round on you!" Yuffie cried. 

"I feel very weird being naked in front of everyone…" Cid muttered. "Goes back to my childhood." 

"I agree that this is very stupid." Vincent sighed. 

"ATTENTION ALL MEMBERS OF SQUARESOFT!!!" A man's voice suddenly boomed. The hanger grew silent as everyone listened. "PLEASE GO INTO YOUR GROUPS. PLEASE NOTE THIS MEANS XENOGEARS OVER HERE, FF2 OVER THERE, THREADS OF FATE OVER HERE. FF6 PLEASE GO OVER THERE..." Everyone followed his vague directions and stood next to people they knew. Eiko, Freya, Vivi, and Kuja stood by Quina and the others, minus Zidane. 

"What's going on?" Garnet whispered to Eiko. 

"Dunno…" Eiko sighed. 

"That man said Squaresoft. Does that have anything to do with Tifa's plan?" Kuja wondered. 

"THANK YOU. YOU ARE AT THIS MOMENT ON THE SAFEST PLACE ON EARTH. AREA 51, THE CIA'S BEST KEPT SECRET." The man's voice boomed again. A platform rose in the center on the hanger, a man on it. It was the man who was talking to them. "THIS IS WHERE WE KEEP ALL THE SECRETS WHICH ARE DANGEROUS TO OUR NATION'S SECUREITY. WE KEEP HERE THE KIDS ON THE BACK OF THE MILK CARTON, ALIENS, PLANES ABLE TO FLY TO MARS AND BACK IN TWO HOURS, DEADLY VIRUS' WE MADE SUCH AS EBOLI, HOW PIZZA HUT MAKES THEIR BREADSTICKS, WHERE TAX MONEY REALLY GOES AND NOW, VIDEO GAME CHARACTERS, AS WELL AS FANFICTION AUTHORS SINCE THEY COULD TOPPLE AMERICA." 

"What the hell does that all mean?" Eiko whispered to Vivi. 

"I don't know…" Vivi whispered back. "Maybe it means were under arrest?" 

"Again?" Eiko shook her head. 

"YOU WILL ALL BE KEPT HERE UNTIL SQUARESOFT CAN REACH A DEAL WITH TIFA, CLOUD, RINOA, AND ZIDANE. UNTIL THEN, SINCE SHE CHANGED THE WAY SQUARE GAMES ARE PROGRAMMED, YOU'LL STAY HERE. THAT IS ALL. IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS, PLEASE ASK ME. THANK YOU." The man climbed down to the floor and was instantly flooded by people. 

"Where are we?!" Relm asked. 

"What do you want with us?" Mint yelled. 

"What the &^$*&*&^&^%$%$(%$(^ is going on in this @!#&*((*$#@@!&&^^%%$$# place?!" Cid yelled. 

"Please calm down!" The man yelled. "I must ask you to sit and please talk quietly. Now…as I said, you're in Area 51. I just want you all to stay here. The gaming community is in an uproar. CIA agents have been sent to stop the riots…since now video games are banned due to this whole thing, you all must stay here." 

"Why does nothing good every happen to me?" Eiko cried. "This sucks!" The man left and everyone began talking to one another. Soon, everyone knew each other very well. Kuja disappeared during this time. Hours later though, Eiko was still upset. 

"Great…so were stuck here until Tifa gets her sequel?" Eiko yelled. "This isn't fair!!" 

"Quiet Eiko!" Kuja whispered. Freya, Vivi and Eiko jumped. 

"Kuja!" Freya cried. "Where were you?" 

"I was talking with other people." Kuja sat down next to Freya. "I found out that Locke from that group over there is planning to bust out of here. He's talking to everyone, to plan the time. It's tonight. We'll be out of here in no time. I also heard that Yuffie is leading another group out a different way. Tidus is leading another group too, so that makes three groups." 

"Kuja, which group are we in?!" Eiko asked, her hopes rising. 

"We're with Yuffie. She's taking us and the group over there." Kuja pointed to Citan and the others. 

"Yes!" Eiko cried. "We're going to be ok!" 

"Go to sleep. I'll wake you guys when it's time." Kuja said. The group laid down and Kuja got up to go talk to Locke and Yuffie. 

"Wait." Freya said. Kuja turned and she stood up. She grabbed his collar and kissed him. She let go of him and pulled away. Kuja was grinning. "Good night." Freya winked at him and Kuja sighed. 

"It's good to be the hero." Kuja laughed. "Many perks…" 

Author's Note: Next chapter will be the break out of Area 51!! It will be easy…right? 


	19. Chapter 18 (more or less Chrono Cross)

****

Chapter 18!! Radical Dreamers Without Taking The Title!!!

Author's Note: Thank this chapter to the Chrono Cross fic writers…I can't believe I forgot that their a Square game…well, now get ready for CC madness!!! Mwhahahhahahahaaaaaa! 

"Did you hear that?" Sephiroth asked Kuja. "That evil laughing noise?" 

"No I didn't." Kuja sighed. Sephiroth seemed to hear things a lot. 

"Mother, are you there?!" Sephiroth yelled suddenly. "I'm here mother!! I'll join you shortly!!!" 

Kuja leaned close to Red XIII. "Is he alright?" Kuja asked. 

"I don't know…" Red said. "It is possible that the confines of this hanger have driven him closer to the brink of madness or it is entirely possible that the annoying writer just laughs to loud." 

"I see…" Kuja said, now thinking Red was also insane. 

The group was sitting on the floor, eating whatever weird food the guards gave them. FF9, FF7 and Chrono Trigger dined together. Eiko seemed to get along with Yuffie pretty good but seemed to bug the hell out of Crono. 

"Hello?" Eiko said, leaning close to his face. "Can you hear me? If you can, say yes!" Crono sat there, eating, not speaking. 

"HEY!" Eiko yelled in his face. "Stop eating and speak! Speak, form words, string them into sentences!!" Crono glared at her and kept silent. 

"Hey!" Kuja said suddenly. "I remember Crono. He was in prison with us!" Kuja turned to Crono. "What were you in for?" He asked. 

"I don't know." Marle said. "Kidnapping me or something stupid like that. My dad is so stupid!" 

"So's my dad." Kuja said. "I hate him." 

"Kuja, you don't have a dad!" Eiko said frowning. 

"If you count Garland I do." Kuja grinned. The group sat in basic silence, with Eiko still shouting in Crono's face for him to speak. 

"FINE!!!!" Crono shouted suddenly. "You are so annoying! There, I spoke, are you happy?! Now leave me alone for Zeal's sake!" Eiko blinked and turned back to her food. 

"There, was it that hard?" Eiko asked Crono. 

"…" Crono smiled. Eiko groaned. 

"That's Crono for you!" Marle laughed. 

"He's worse then Kuja…" Eiko muttered. 

"Hey!" Kuja frowned. "Crono's right, you are annoying!" 

"Hey Mate, see anything?" Kid asked. 

"I don't know…" Serge sighed. "I can't tell which hanger their in…"

"My aren't you smart Chrono Trigger?" Lynx in Serge's body laughed. Serge glared at him. 

"Listen Lynx." Kid said. "If it wasn't for those arses at Square, I'd kill you now. But no, I have to wait til we get back. So shut up and stay outta me way!" 

The rest of the Chrono Cross gang was there, all 40 something of them. It looked like a small army. Kid hopped back down the cliff to the waiting crew. 

"Well, did you pinpoint their location?" Glenn asked impatiently. 

"Hold yer horses!" Kid sighed. "Wait til Serge gets down here." Serge hopped down the cliff (he's in his body) with Lynx right behind him. 

"Ok. We think they're in hanger 9. There seems to be a large amount of guards there…" Serge said. "So do we have any long range fighters?" 

"Hey, Chrono Trigger." Lynx grinned. "Remember Elements? And Tech Skills? My how stupid you are…" 

"Lynx, we don't what to endanger anyone in that hanger." Serge rolled his eyes. "Besides, I was talking about people with larger weapons, like swords. Frying pans are to close up." Lynx shrugged. "Ok, is everyone ready then?" Serge asked. Some nodded, other answered yeah. Either way, it was time to break free of Square. 

"Is everyone ready?" Yuffie asked. Her group nodded. "Fine…remember, on Locke's signal, run for the back door like…like…someone on fire." 

"Ok, then Kid, me, Glenn, Lynx and some more of you will go in through the back door." Serge outlined his plan. "Karsh, you lead another team round the front…"

"Ok!" Locke said enthusiastically. "My group will go through the front! Is everybody ready?" 

"This is our plan then." Citan said. "Our group will wait for the others to break free, then go through whatever door is clear." Citan looked his group over. "Ready then?" 

"Alright…" Serge had snuck his group round to the back. "On my signal, blast through the door…ready…and…" 

Locke motioned for the groups to take their places. The groups moved to the doors…

"Now!" Serge yelled

"Go!" Locke yelled. 

Yuffie's group ran for the door, blasting it with fire magic. Serge's group blasted it with any magic. The door melted just as the groups went to run in. They collided headfirst into each other. 

"Watch it!" Yuffie yelled. 

"You watch it!" Lynx cried. 

"Stop, c'mon, this makes it easier, let's go!" Serge yelled over the voices. Kuja helped Freya up and the group ran. Locke was having similar problems at the front, while Citan's group watched with slight amusement. 

The groups ran for the mountains. Kid kept looking at Lucca. 

"Sis!" She cried as she ran. "Sis, you're alive!" 

"Oh dammit…" Lynx muttered. 

"Huh?" Lucca stared at Kid. "Who are you?" 

"It's me, Kid!" Kid blinked. "Don't ya remember me Sis?" 

"HEY! For the purpose of hurrying this along," Sage Kaley yelled from her computer. "That's the Lucca before Lynx and before everything!" 

"Oh…" Kid said. "Never mind then…" 

"Mother?!" Sephiroth yelled. "I'm coming!" 

Later, Serge led the group to their mountain base. There they rested for the night and did a great deal of talking. 

"Ayla like this food!" Ayla grinned. "Good food. Eat lots." 

"Leah like-um food too!" Leah smiled at Ayla. "Make-um tummy stop talk-um!" 

"So, what did Tifa take from you guys?" Kuja asked Serge. 

"You mean the woman with the huge bird?" Serge asked. Kuja nodded. "She took the Time Egg. Without it, we can't go face the Time Devourer." Kuja turned to Crono. 

"So, what did she take from you?" Kuja asked Crono. 

"…Marle's pendent. We need it for the Mammon Machine." Crono said. 

"Well, are we safe here?" Eiko asked. "I don't want to go back to that creepy place." 

"Yeah, we'll be ok here for now." Serge smiled. "Don't worry." 

"Hey, Eiko." Kuja grinned. "Crono likes me better then you cause he talked to me!" 

"Shut up Kuja!" Eiko yelled. Vivi smiled and set Kuja on fire. 

"AHHHHH! DAMMIT!!!" Kuja yelled. Lynx cast iceberg on Kuja, hailing huge boulders of ice on him. The fire was gone but Lynx then cast Iceblast, freezing Kuja in ice. 

"Oops." Lynx laughed. "My mistake!" Serge rolled his eyes and cast fireball, melting the ice and freeing Kuja. Kuja sat on the ground shivering. 

"Why does the world hate me?!" Kuja muttered. Lynx continued laughing and Eiko nodded at Vivi, who then cast Fire on Lynx. It was awhile before anyone got some sleep. 

Author's Note: What, no cliffhanger? Has the world gone mad?!….no, I'm just very happy right now! 


	20. Chapter 19 Vegas baby!

**Chapter 19, The Morning After Chapter!!!**

Author's Note: Ok! Here's the newest, freshest chapter. Well, we're getting down to the line. Only a few more chapters left! Maybe to some people it's a good thing but it makes me sad. If you want a sequel though, I might consider it. ^_^ I love this fic a lot. Kuja's one of my fav characters, so are Eiko, Freya and I like Vivi a decent amount. Well, back to the story! 

The next morning the group headed out, looking for an ancient land full of mystery and wonder. A place full of majesty and beauty. A place called…

"Are we in Dapan yet?" Eiko asked, tugging on Serge's leg. 

"It's Japan, not Dapan. And we aren't even at the airport yet!" Serge sighed. "We need cash too and our money isn't good here." He turned to his army. "Anyone got any cash we could use to buy tickets?" Everyone quickly pulled out their wallets or padded themselves down. 

"I have 100 gil…" Kuja said, digging into his pockets. 

"I had a unlimited money cheat." Lucca said, pulling out her Gameshark. "But it's still not American money…" 

"I think I have 5 G, not much since I'm broke anyway." Glenn shrugged. 

"Ok then, we're screwed." Lynx grinned. "So does that mean the world will end? Or do I get to kill anything?" Vivi cast Fira on Lynx, causing him to burst into flames. 

"AHHHHHHHH!!!" Lynx screamed. Kuja laughed and pretended to blow out the flames. Eiko frowned at the boys. 

"We don't have time for this!" She shouted. "We need to make some green quick, fast and in a hurry!" 

"I'm sorry Eiko." Vivi said. "But he was being evil." 

"Well, that won't matter if Tifa gets her way." Kid sighed. 

"Run this by me again." Sephiroth has, walking to the head of the group. "Why is it bad if we get a sequel?" 

"Because they won't." Serge said, pointing at Eiko. 

"What about you?" Eiko asked, turning to Serge. "You wouldn't either." 

"Well, we won't have a 'sequel' with us starring." Lynx explained after casting several ice spells on himself. "But a sequel titled Chrono Break is in the works you know." 

"Oh…" Eiko frowned. "Why don't we get a sequel?!" 

No one answered Eiko's question. The group walked for hours through the burning hot Nevada wasteland. A healthy supply of ice and water spells kept the group cool and refreshed. It was a long time before they reached a city. Night had already fallen by the time they reached a city. But the bright lights could be seen from miles away. The city was in fact Las Vegas. 

"Geez, look at all these weird buildings." Kuja looked around at the various casinos. "What's with this town?" 

"Look at how many people there are!" Vivi cried. "There must be more people here then the entire population of Gaia!" 

"Considering the fact the Gaia's population must be in the hundreds, I'm sure you're right." Freya said, speaking for the first time since this chapter started. 

"Ok, let's split up gang!" Serge said to his group. 

"Copyright infringement!" Lynx yelled. Kid kicked him. 

"Anyway, Chrono Cross people come with me. Chrono Trigger can come with me too." Serge ordered. "The rest of you can follow Eiko." The groups quickly spilt and Eiko was left with her friends and the Final Fantasy 7 people, who had clothes by the way. 

"Well…I guess we should find an airport." Eiko sighed. They walked all across town, traveling until the sun came up. It was then, tired and hungry, that they found the airport. They walked in, getting many stares, and pushed their way to the front of the line. 

"Welcome to the unnamed airport." A smiling lady said. "How may I help you?" 

"We want to go to Dapan!" Eiko yelled since she couldn't see over the high counter. 

"I'm sorry but minors can't buy plane tickets to non-existent places." The lady said with the same smile. Kuja walked forward. 

"Then I'll buy the tickets to JAPAN." Kuja glared at Eiko as he said Japan. 

"I'm sorry sir but you need money to buy tickets." The lady said. 

"How do you know I don't have money?" Kuja frowned. "Maybe I'm really rich." 

"No you're not sir because men who wear skirts are rarely rich." The lady said. "Plus you're from a video game that does not use our currency there fore you are not rich and cannot buy plane tickets to Japan to stop Tifa from taking advantage of Square's new found off time." Kuja, and the rest of the gang, blinked several times absorbing information. 

"How did you know that?" Kuja asked. 

"I cannot reveal my sources but let me say this: Plane tickets to Japan; 45.00 dollars each." The lady smiled. "Time you'll waste gathering that money; One chapter. How far Tifa is from Japan; Half a chapter. Having all the information before you do: Priceless. There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's a shadowy figure watching you." 

Kuja and the rest wandered the streets aimlessly; unsure of any ways they could make money. They ran millions of plans by each other, each one stupider and more useless then the last. They wandered into several buildings where people seemed to make money but didn't understand what they had to do to make money. They tried the slot machines but no money came out. Vivi won a car but that didn't do them much good. Yuffie stole some money but not enough to buy all the plane tickets. She did steal enough to buy them dinner. They stopped at a place called Wendy's to eat. 

"Ok, what's everyone want?" Yuffie asked, looking at the menu. 

"I'll take a number one." Cid said. 

"Sounds good." Barret nodded. 

"I just want something with meat." Red looked at the menu. "Everything's meat so I'm ok." 

"I'm really hungry!" Eiko grinned. "I want a triple meat patty thing with lots of…fries and a huge drink." 

"Big mouth means an equally big stomach." Kuja noted. "I'll have the same thing." 

"I want a t-taco salad." Vivi tried to prounce the odd word taco. 

"I think I get it." Yuffie smiled. "They made the menu made of meat so making up your mind is easy!" Yuffie walked up to the counter. "I want 12 of the triple meat sandwiches!" Yuffie grinned and forked over all their money. They all managed to stuff down the greasy burgers, though Vivi gave most of his to Eiko. 

"Alright!" Freya stood up. "I just got an idea. We can make money easy!" 

"How?" Sephiroth asked. "Does it involve death, pain, killing, bloodshed or anything like that?" 

"…No…" Freya gave Sephiroth a funny look. "It does involve our talents! We can use magic and people will pay to see it!" 

"That won't work." Barret grumbled. "I could have thought of a better idea with my hands tied behind my back!" 

"Whatever!" Eiko frowned. "Freya is a lot smarter then you, Mr. T wannabe!" 

"Shut your mouth foo!" Barret glared at Eiko. "I pity the foo who doesn't use 1-800-COLLECT! Just dial down the center…" 

"What an idiot…" Eiko rolled her eyes. "So let's do Freya's idea and set Barret and Kuja on fire!" 

"Uh, that wasn't my idea Eiko." Freya sighed. 

"Oh, dang." Eiko shrugged. "Had something to do with fire right?" 

Meanwhile, Serge was having problems of his own.  But that's for next chapter! Mwhahahahahahahahaaaa! 


	21. Chapter 20 no clue

**Chapter 20, Wishing on Shooting Fire blast!!!**

Author's Note: Ok! Bout time right? This fic is so funny to so many people. Makes me feel alllll warm inside! (people puke, throw things, yell at me to stop being an idiot, mass chaos) Ok, enough with the feely touchy crap right? On to the good crap! Oh, if you want a small role in this insane quest, leave a review saying so ok? 

"This is your great idea?" Eiko asked, pulling at the new clothes Freya gave her. 

"I happen to like this style of clothing." Kuja shrugged. 

"Yeah?" Eiko crossed her arms. "And you wear a skirt." 

"Oh, Eiko, I think you look cute." Freya smiled. "Besides, it's not much different then your usually outfit!" Freya had a point. The entire ff crew had on tight fitting white and blue outfits that they had… 'borrowed' from a store. 

"I think so too Eiko." Vivi nodded. "I'm glad Freya let me keep my hat though." 

"Man, this plan isn't going to work!" Cid frowned. "Who wants to see us, of all people, in tight, revealing outfits?" Instantly, thousands of emails pour into Sage Kaley's evil lair, from Cid, Vincent, Yuffie, Sephy, Freya, Kuja, Vivi, Eiko, Tifa(even if she isn't here), Aeris(even though she's DEAD!), Cloud(also missing), and Barret fans who wanted that stuff. Red XII and Cait Sith's fans remained oddly silent. 

"Does that prove my point?" Freya asked. 

"Yeah, $%^$^% you &%^%&^*(&^^&^^$$*&^*&^%." Cid growled. 

"Anyway, this isn't just about the clothes." Freya said. "The clothes get the attention while our magic makes them stay!" Already, a large group of people had gathered around them. "Now guys!" Vivi cast Fira on Kuja, causing the obvious effect, Eiko summoned Carbunkle, all the cast of ff7 did limit breaks while Sephy posed. Freya collected at least $1,000 during the first five minutes. After half an hour though, everyone left. 

"Yes!" Eiko yelled, rolling in the money. "This town rocks!" 

"I still hate black mages." Kuja groaned, putting out the fire that had taken over his feathers and skirt. "I will get revenge!" 

"Now, let's go buy those plane tickets!" Freya cried. Everyone cheered and the happy party marched back to the unknown airport, not even noticing Sephy's strange disappearance. They walked right to the front of the airport line. 

"Excuse me." Kuja said. "Remember us?" The smiling lady looked up. 

"Yes, I was wondering when you'd get here." She laughed. "Got your money?" 

"Of course." Kuja grinned and shoveled the money onto the counter. "Here you go. Take it and weep." 

"I'm sorry but I can't except nonexistent money." The lady kept her smiling face. "You can't buy tickets without money." 

"But we have money right in front of your *&(^&%^%^%^%^%$*^%$%$%^$^$ face!" Kuja shouted. 

"Damn straight!" Cid agreed. 

"Sorry but you'll lose that money in 5…4…3" The lady counted. 

"What are you talking about?" Kuja asked. 

"…1…0." The lady finished. At that moment, several security agents approached Kuja and the rest. 

"Are you those street performers that were out on the strip doing magic tricks?" One cop asked. 

"Yes, we are." Eiko said proudly. 

"Well then…" The cops smiled. "First, before you cash in your…uh…cash, we need to tax you a little." 

"Sure." Kuja shrugged. "We have money to burn." 

"Well then." The cops took out a huge list. "First, we need 100 for a tight fitting outfit tax." Kuja handed him the money. "Then we need 300 because of the Must have only hot women in previously mentioned tight fitting suits rule." Kuja handed him the money. "Then we need 450 for video game characters tax." Kuja, getting very annoyed, handed him the money. "Then, we need 1000 for the damage done to Area 51. Then we need 500 for Cross-dressing in Public.  Then we need 650 for not noticing that Sephiroth disappeared. Then we need 700 for uhh…a tax on taxes." 

5 minutes later…

"And…100 for not being a part of Kingdom Hearts." The cops finished. Yuffie frowned. 

"Hey, I was in there! So was Cid and Sephiroth and Cloud and Aeris…" Yuffie glared at him. "So why the tax?" 

"Because, you don't count. Everyone knew someone from ff7 would in there." The first cop answered. 

"Yeah. Where were you when it was elected game of the year?" The other cop laughed. 

"FINE!" Kuja shouted. He shoved all the money at the cops. "There, you left us maybe 100 dollars!! HAPPY?!" 

"Hmm…" The cops counted the money. "I think that's all…" 

"At least we still have enough to send two of us." Eiko smiled. "Better then nothing right?" 

"Oh, yeah, nearly forgot!" The cops grabbed the 100 from Kuja. "We each get 50 dollars from you for our tax collecting troubles!" The cops took off and Kuja stood in shock. 

"That was totally uncalled for." Freya said. "What kind of author would allow such irony?" 

"We weren't in Kingdom Hearts?" Vivi asked. Suddenly, a large keyhole appeared and out of it stepped a boy with spiky brown hair and wielding a large key. 

"Well…" Sora shrugged. "You weren't in it really but…hey! The Moogles were! They made the same noise anyway and they could synthesize." Sora jumped back into the keyhole and disappeared. 

"Now what?" Kuja asked. "No matter what, nothing goes right. We'll never make it to Japan. We'll never stop Tifa…" 

"What else could go wrong?" Vivi wondered. 

"Never, ever ask that question." The smiling lady said. "Especially if the gang of Chrono Cross is still missing." At that moment, a large amount of cops surrounded the group. 

"You guys know the people from Chrono Cross or Chrono Trigger?" One cop asked. 

"Um…yes?" Cait Sith answered meekly. 

"Ok, I get to kill him." Kuja said later. Everyone sat in a huge jail cell, along with everyone from CC and CT (note my laziness!).  "I will kill him." 

"Calm down." Vivi said. "It's not his fault his an ass." 

"True." Eiko sighed. "But now my dreams will be crushed. I'll never get this quest finished…" 

"Don't worry! Never fear!" Everyone looked up and saw Sephiroth standing there. "Sephiroth is here!" 

Author's Note: Heh heh heh, hope you liked it. See yeah later! 


	22. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21! Never Say ^&%^% Again!!!**

**Author's Note: Hello and welcome back to Sage Kaley's politically incorrect adventure! Last time, our heroes were trapped in prison after being taxed for many stupid things…hey! Just like real life! Anyway, many a great things will happen in this chapter! So get ready!**

**"Sephiroth?!" Eiko cried, glaring at him. "Where the hell were you! Don't give me some bull about getting lost either! You just knew this would happen didn't you? Well your free and I'm not therefore you suck and I hate you." **

**"That's nice." Sephiroth shrugged. "Guess I won't free you guys then." **

**"Wait." The guard jumped out of his chair. "You're THE Sephiroth? The one that's in the new Broadway hit FF7: A Musical Adventure?!" **

**"The one and only." Sephiroth blew on his fingernails. **

**"Ohhh!" The guard squealed. "Can I have your autograph? Make it out to Biggs! Wedge is going to be so jealous!" **

**"That's a little too much…" Vivi said. "I mean, a ff staple appearing in an ff fic?" **

**"Well, really they're named after some pilots in the original Star Wars." Freya corrected Vivi. **

**"Really?" Vivi asked. **

**"Yeah, they were in the scene where Luke is being chased by Darth Vader while he tries to take out the death star." Freya grinned. **

**"You know, the first Star Wars was the best." Yuffie said. **

**"^&$^*$# that #^&*&!" Cid laughed. "The whole $#%*( trilogy rocks!" **

**"Except the new ones." Kuja said. "Those suck." **

**"Yeah, too much mushy lovey dovey crap!" Vincent said. "Oh Ankin this and forbidden love that." **

**"Damn straight!" Barret agreed. **

**"SHUT UP ABOUT STAR WARS!!!" Eiko yelled. "SEPHIROTH GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR AND GET US THE @%^*&*(^&%#$ ^#$^$%$&***((% $@@*()* @#%^^&@#&*($#&^$%^%$ OUTTA HERE!" Eiko finished screaming and everyone stared at her.  Cid's cigarette fell from his mouth. **

**"Damn!" Cid gawked at the little girl. **

**"Uh…that's what I came here to do." Sephiroth finished his autograph and pulled a HUGE wad of money from his pocket. "See? Bail money!" **

**"Oh." Eiko sighed. "Sorry, just I'm pissed cause I'm not getting my summon back or my wish or a crown with the title 'Queen Eiko, Royal Ruler of the Universe'." **

**"Hey, don't sweat it!" Sephiroth grinned. "I got us a flight to Japan while I was at it! I'll just bribe this easily manipulated guard and then I'll walk out of here with all you guys since this jail has many easily bribed guards!"**

**"Hey…that guard said you were in a play…when did you have time for that?" Kuja asked. **

**"Oh…well, I've been missing from this fic for just long enough to make a trillion doing the musical play in some casino." Sephiroth smiled. "Ohhhhh I am Sephiroth! I'm the greatest swordsman in the worldddddd! I slash and swing and run and kill and cut all day longgggg!" Sephiroth sang loudly. Biggs was beside himself with joy. Everyone else covered their ears and Kuja's tail hairs stood up. **

**"You made trillions singing that garbage?!" Kuja yelled. **

**"You bet I did!" Sephiroth grinned. "I'm a star baby! A shining star! FF fans will pay to see me do many things. You should see the mountain of panties I get thrown at me when I have my shirt off!" **

**"…I really doubt that." Kuja shook his head. **

**"Well, I doubt that you guys will make it to Japan by the end of this chapter. You guys just keep talking!" Serge shouted. Everyone turned to stare at him. **

**"Silent protagonist my arse." Kid laughed. "Square just got lazy and forgot to translate me mate's lines!" **

**"Damn straight!" Barret shouted again. **

**"Does he have to be a stereotype?" Freya asked. **

**"Damn straight I do!" Barret nodded. "I be the only brotha in Gaia yo! Square is whacked! They didn't even give me no bling bling!" **

**"Huh…I never noticed that." Freya looked at Vivi. "But he's black." **

**"No, he's a black mage!" Barret smiled. "I'm the only black person. Plus, if you didn't notice, I'm usually comic relief in fanfictions! Never a starring role for me! Stupid Square! If Tifa does win and there is a sequel, then they better get rid of my goddamn idiotic speech method." He paused and sighed. "Til den, I gotta be retarded like this yo! Bling bling dog!" **

**"Weird…" Freya stared at him. "Poor guy." **

**"Yeah…Square sure is strange sometimes." Kuja agreed. "Anyway, now that we're out of jail, let's hop a plane to Japan!" **

**6 hours later…**

**"Can't go on…" Eiko muttered. "Gonna die…oh God…" **

**"What's wrong with you?" Kuja asked. "You wanted the window seat!" They original four (Freya, Vivi, Eiko and Kuja of course.) were on a plane heading towards Japan.  The others had decided to stay and live up the Vegas nightlife for a while until they were forced to return to their pre-apocalyptic casinoless worlds. Freya and Vivi sat on the other side of the aisle. **

**"It's not the height!" Eiko glared at him. "I like the rush of being up high…it's just…Six hours?! When do we get there?!" **

**"The captain said about four to five hours." Vivi sighed. "This is a lot different then airships." **

**"Five hours?!" Eiko moaned, then turned to stare at the ocean below.**

**"Yeah…" Kuja was busy trying to pull a peanut bag apart. "The food sucks but these peanuts are great…except you need a Master's degree to open them!" **

**"I'll open them!" Vivi cried enthusiastically. He waved his hands and Freya, quick to see trouble, grabbed his hands and pointed them down. Fire appeared on the carpet. **

**"Quick, put it out!" Freya hissed. Vivi cast water on it and sighed. **

**"Sorry Freya…" Vivi said quickly. Freya didn't answer. "Freya?" **

**"I…don't like heights…" Freya closed her eyes. "Hate'em." **

**"Oh, I see…" Vivi pushed himself back into his seat. "So boring up here…don't they have any magazines for us to read?!" Just then, a flight attendant appeared next to Vivi. **

**"Of course we do sir! We have many magazines. I think you'd enjoy this one." The lady handed Vivi Official Playstation Magazine. On the cover said the Ominous words 'We're Finished.' The rest of the cover was black. **

**"Ohhh…that can't be good…" Vivi moaned. Freya glanced at it but didn't really notice. Eiko and Kuja took note however. **

**"What the…gimme that Vivi!" Kuja snatched the magazine from him and threw it open. He scanned it before reading it to the others. "This is what it says… 'This is a sad day for Playstation users. Many of you may of noticed strange things. Some of you were able to see a FF7 strip poker game…even though you were playing your trusty, been beat seven times copy of FF7. Others watched in horror as Sin disappeared from FF10, making it impossible to beat the game. Others of you are playing as Mogs because for some reason, only a few of the playable FF9 characters can be found now in the game.'" Kuja paused and blushed slightly then continued. " 'The FF series isn't the only thing weird. In the undead filled Resident Evil games, zombies have up and disappeared. Then in the Mario games, Mario's missing but in his place is Shinobi, which quickly changed the game to M rated. The point is, no game is safe. Of course, having Link bust up bosses in Sly Cooper is fun but things are out of control. (Many Aeris fans should note that she is a playable character in the FF9 world.) Many blame hackers but how? How could they break into not only every game console across the land but every game?! We've checked everything from demos to ancient secret games and it's all different. So it's the end. The apocalypse. Good by and see you on the other side.'" Kuja looked up at everyone. Vivi pounded his fist in his hand. **

**"We've gotta get things back to normal." Vivi said. **

**"We've got to destroy Tifa." Kuja smiled. **

**"We've got to land this plane." Freya moaned. Eiko didn't say anything. She just stared out the window. **

**"Five hours…" Eiko sighed. **

**The plane touched down in Tokyo Japan. It was packed with strange people so even the cross-dressing Kuja fit in. They pushed through the airport until they saw Zidane and Cloud, of all people, holding up a sign that read "Get Over Here Guys!" Kuja laughed. **

**"Ha! I figured you were lost!" Kuja mocked his brother. "Heh, I think the author forgot where she left you!" **

**"That's not true!" Zidane yelled. "Is it?" **

**"Probably." Cloud agreed. "Well, Square sent us here to find you guys." **

**"Why?" Eiko asked. **

**"Why?" Zidane grinned. "Because Tifa won. You guys are getting a sequel…" **

**"Really?" Vivi cried. **

**"Well…sort of." Cloud smiled. "You see, there's a game being maybe now called Tifa's Paradise…and you're all invited." **

**Author's Note: Finally, done! Hope you enjoy!**


End file.
